In a play scene early on in our relationship, Daddy locked a dog choke chain around my neck. When the play scene was over, I kept the collar on. This signified the beginning of some of our more D/s oriented facets. Later on, I purchased a heart shaped lock and used that with the choke chain instead of Daddy's lock. This became my collar which I wore whenever we were with each other (except for certain occasions like the ballet).
We had talked about other collars early on and he seemed to want to get me a black leather collar with purple satin lining. Something that was well made. At the time, I can remember researching lots of other collars online including purple dyed leather with sparkly gems and the like. At some point, I realized that if I was going to wear Daddy's collar, I needed to trust and submit to him on the design. Once I made that decision in my head, we decided on the simple black leather with purple satin lining and we promptly sat on the idea for months. =)
At some point we spoke to our local sex toy maker about such a thing and he said while he didn't have purple satin on hand, if we bought the material, he could have it made. Another month or two went by and Daddy and I finally went shopping for the satin and brought it over to our friend soon after.
In the weeks that have followed while I've waited for the collar to be made, I've wondered what the significance of this new collar would mean to us. I had often dubbed my current collar my 'consideration collar' because it was so casually and playfully given. This new collar felt like it was going to be more permanent and I wanted to give it some sort of special meaning.
Early on in my time exploring kink, I'd read about collaring ceremonies and how they compared to weddings. I had always imagined the possibility of being part of one with the man I love someday almost as much as I had imagined the day I'd wear the symbolic white dress. With the new collar in the making, I wondered if it was time for Daddy and I to vow to each other in Dominance and submission. Upon reading about other peoples' experiences and vows however, I felt a definite difference in feelings.
Would I be expected to pledge my full submission to him in everything I did? Was I really ready for such a commitment myself? And was Daddy really ready for the maintenance and responsibility that could potentially be required?
My first reaction was to write it all off. Daddy and I have a very multi-faceted relationship. In one moment, we can be the most romantic vanilla couple enjoying time together at the ballet and in another I can be down on my hands and knees as he fucks my ass while telling me what a good pony girl I am. With that in mind, I felt like the D/s side of our relationship has been very light-hearted backed by a very gentle and romantic kind of love. Could I really pledge my undying submission to him then? And would I really want to? How would that change our current relationship?
I did end up mentioning the possibility of a collaring ceremony to Daddy and to my utmost surprise, he smiled. He seemed very onboard with the idea and I decided to do some more research. All the while, I couldn't quite understand why my heart was in knots over what it all would mean.
Yesterday, I finally worked it out in my head. There didn't have to be a collaring ceremony. It was just a new collar. It didn't have to mean we had to say vows to each other and it definitely didn't mean we had to change the dynamic that was working so well for us in so many ways. I think I started to get caught up in what I thought collars mean to the community and maybe I was trying to go through with something I thought would be respected by the community when in fact, I didn't really need to answer to anybody but myself and my Daddy.
I mentioned all of this to Daddy after I'd processed it all and he seemed pretty relieved. He said he'd wondered if I was trying to bite off more than I could chew but was always willing to try to do whatever he could to make me happy. He also said he really liked the sentiment of making vows to each other. I told him that I thought for us that may simply be a wedding. And who knows, maybe later on in our relationship we will choose to have a collaring ceremony and maybe it will or will not change the dynamic we share together.
All I know now is that we don't have to make such a change or say such vows right now. He's simply giving me a new collar and our love will continue to blossom as we grow together in the dynamic that works extremely well for us.
Showing posts with label D/s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label D/s. Show all posts
Monday, June 4, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Anal Humiliation
NOTE: This is fictional erotica between two consenting adults
“Go to your bathroom. I want you naked except your collar, on your knees, bent over, in the bathtub. And you better put some towels under your knees because you will be there for a while. When I get home, you better be there or there will be consequences.”
“Go to your bathroom. I want you naked except your collar, on your knees, bent over, in the bathtub. And you better put some towels under your knees because you will be there for a while. When I get home, you better be there or there will be consequences.”
The tone in Daddy’s note was much more dominant than usual and I felt my clit swell up as I read it. What did he have planned tonight? I was both excited and yet scared of the unknown. But I knew I’d better get going because he would be home soon. In fact, he could be home at any minute.
At that thought, I raced to the bedroom and stripped off all my clothes. I fumbled around for my collar and buckled it on my neck before grabbing a couple towels. Then my heart stopped as I heard the front door open.
“I’m home, little girl! You better be in the bathtub!” he practically shouted.
I raced into the bathroom, pulled the shower curtain back and out of the way, and after throwing the towels down in a makeshift way, got into the bathtub on my hands and elbows, my ass up in the air.
“Good girl” I suddenly heard him say very close and I looked over and found Daddy leaning against the door frame smiling down at me with an evil grin. He was holding a special set of stocks in his hand that I had a love-hate relationship with. They were merely a 2x4 with 4 leather cuffs attached in the right places for wrists and ankles and were the kind that really locked me into place well and yet put me in a position that was very hard to maintain for any real length of time.
He walked over and set the stocks behind me and began strapping my ankles into them. Then he called for my hands and I had to bend down far enough to reach my hands between my legs which let my head resting on one of the towels on the tub floor. He strapped my wrists in and proceeded in putting locks onto all 4 cuffs. There was no way out of this; he could do what he wanted with me. I could feel my pussy heating up at the thought.
Daddy stood up and just stared at me for a minute; a man admiring his property. I squirmed a little and tried to look over at him.
I asked him “Daddy is everything ok? I didn’t do anything to deserve a punishment.”
He looked down at me and said “Everything’s just fine little girl. You’re right, you didn’t do anything wrong but sometimes you need to be shown your place. You are mine and I will do whatever I wish to you.”
That sent a shiver down my spine that sparked my already wet cunt and I let out a small moan.
“And I don’t want to hear your whining tonight, princess.” He said as he bent down to shove something in my mouth. “Yes I know you like your panties in your mouth…that’s where they belong.”
I started to work them out of my mouth and he responded by grabbing some nearby duct tape. He pushed the panties all the way back into my mouth and they started to go slightly down my throat. Then he put a strip of duct tape across my mouth to lock them in.
“Mmmmpphfmmmphh” I moaned.
He said “There, that’s a good girl. You don’t need to talk.” Now I was strapped in and unable to speak and yet my pussy couldn’t be any hotter. “but for trying to get them out, that’s 3 swats with the belt” he said as he removed his big leather belt from his pants.
My eyes went wide. That belt hurt like HELL.
WHAP! My ass suddenly felt on fire.
WHAP! That fire increased a hundredfold.
WHAP! Tears filled my eyes as I struggled but couldn’t not move away, so very tightly strapped in. He slowly rubbed his hands all over my ass just then and I felt a drop or two of something flow down my leg from my cunt.
He smiled again looking down at me and then reached under the bathroom sink and pulled out a plastic bag full of something. I watched as he took out the contents. It looked like a rubber hose and some other weird looking objects.
Just then, a timer went off in the kitchen.
“Oh that’ll be the water. I’ll be right back. Don’t move, little girl.....oh that’s right, you can’t!” he said, laughing as he left the room.
I whined through the panties in my mouth. They tasted as wet as my pussy felt. He came back with a big pan of water. After setting it down, he took out a thermometer and after holding it in the water for a minute or so, he said
“One hundred degrees; just right”.
I was still confused. What the heck was all this stuff for?
He filled some kind of latex bag with the water and then hung that on the shower rod, with the tubing hanging off of it. Then he put on a rubber glove and lubed up his finger, proceeding to probe my tiny asshole with it. I moaned through the gag. I recognized this at least.
“Ok princess, it’s time for your enema. Open your little asshole for Daddy.” He said.
Enema? Oh god. I’d heard all kinds of stories about enemas and it did not sound fun in the least.
I squirmed and moaned and he smacked my ass with his other hand and said:
“Stay still or you’ll get more of the belt.”
I stopped suddenly and stayed as still as I could.
“You are the one who wanted me to fuck your ass bareback. You should know by now that if you want me with no condom inside you, you’ll have to do something special for me. I only want to fuck your ass if it’s clean, little girl.”
I did want him to fuck my ass bareback….I hated condoms and I wanted to feel his come inside me…but an enema?!?!? Just then he removed his gloved finger from my ass and inserted something else. Something swelled up just inside my anus and I flinched. It made me feel a little constipated. I whined through the gag.
Daddy ignored me and said “here comes the water, little girl.” as he unlocked the valve.
Suddenly, I felt my bowels start to fill up with warm water. It was a strange sensation, not bad persay but very odd. I squirmed a little and continued to whine and Daddy just chuckled and said
“That’s right, take that enema up inside you to make you all nice and clean for Daddy.”
As the water continued, I started to feel very full and constipated and on the verge of cramping. I moaned and whined a lot more and squirmed a little here and there until finally Daddy said
“Ok that’s all of it.”
I about sighed with relief. That meant it was over, right?
“Now you have to keep it in there for 15 minutes. “ he said as he set a timer next to the tub.
Was he kidding??? 15 minutes?? I felt so full and uncomfortable and my thighs were starting to time out from being in the stocks so long as well. I needed out now, not in 15 minutes!!
I pleaded with him with my eyes as I whined and he just kept smiling down at me like he'd smile at a dog who had just played dead for the first time. He reached under me and put his hand on my tummy and pressed up. I felt a shock of pain in my bowels and I screamed. He let go and said grinning
“See now it doesn’t feel so bad compared to that, right?”
Tears rolled down my cheeks in agreement as I tried to catch my breath.
He ran his hands along my back and my butt cheeks and then my hair and my legs, keeping me with a continued touch all over my body and I found some serenity in his touch while braving the continued torrential pressure in my bowels.
Then the timer went off.
“You made it, little girl!” Daddy said as he unlocked and unfastened the cuffs.
“Now I’m going to take the tubing out and you’ll have to clench down really hard with your sphincter to hold in all of the water.”
I nodded through the pain of continually holding all of it inside me. He undid the nozzle and I did as he said and clenched as tight as I could to keep the raging river from flowing out of me. However, even doing that, I could feel some of it dribble out of me and I somehow clenched harder.
I was able to slowly get up from the bathtub and very carefully take the two steps to sit on the toilet. But right as I was ready to release everything, Daddy said
“Wait. You’ll let go when I say you’ll let go.”
My eyes widened and I whimpered through the gag, looking up at him. I felt a dribble trickle out and the pressure started becoming truly unbearable. Then Daddy finally said:
“Ok, now you can go, little girl.”
I sighed with relief as I finally let go. It sounded like a raging waterfall as it all came out of me and Daddy chuckled and patted me on the head.
“Good girl, we’ll get you potty trained yet.” he said, making me blush profusely as it continued to pour out of me.
Daddy held his nose and said “Stinky little girl, you better give me a courtesy flush.”
I reached behind me and flushed even though I knew I wasn’t done yet. The smell was pretty horrible too and I had no way of breathing through my mouth, thanks to the gag. He continued to stare at me while I felt and we heard more liquid pour out of my ass and I couldn't help but whine. It was a mixture of relief and humiliation at the same time.
Finally after a few minutes, I was done and I flushed and wiped good. Daddy grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to the bedroom, forced me to my knees at the foot of the bed, and bent me over it. He grabbed my arms and tied them crossed behind me. He then tied my ankles to each end of the bed, forcing my legs to spread to a position that was just far enough apart to be uncomfortable. I heard him open a bottle of lube and rub it on his cock and then felt him squirt some on my asshole.
"Ok little girl, the moment you've been dreaming about." Daddy said and I felt his cock begin to enter me and moaned.
"Open up your ass for Daddy's cock, princess. You know that's what it's for."
My pussy clenched at hearing that and he pulled out slightly and pushed in slightly farther this time. He repeated that a few more times, till I felt his full girth enter my ass. I moaned. God it felt so good to finally really feel his cock inside me.
"Good girl" he said as he grabbed tightly to my arms for leverage and began pounding his cock inside me at a suddenly much quicker pace. My eyes widened and I moaned loudly through the gag unable to move as his cock pounded into me over and over.
"That's right, princess, you love my cock up your ass don't you???" he yelled. When I didnt respond, he said much louder: "DONT YOU?!?!" and I mumbled "yes daddy" as loud as I could through the gag.
"Such a good little cunt with a tight little ass. This is what your ass is for isn't it? For taking my cock whenever I please?"
"Yes Daddy" I mumbled through the gag again.
He continued hammering me and chiding me and I kept responding appropriately as my pussy continued to drip and spray. He slowed down for a minute to catch his breath.
"This is really good, little girl. I'm going to have to do this more often." He sped up again and I felt his cock ram so deep into my ass, my back arched in response.
"Your ass is going to be so used, you might have incontinence problems. That's ok though, that's what diapers are for....little girls who can't keep from messing in their panties."
As he said this, he grabbed my ass cheeks tight and rammed his cock so deep inside me my eyes went wide again and his familiar grunts could be heard as I felt him cum deep inside me. As if in response, my pussy twitched in an orgasm of its own. My body tingled all over, my eyes crossed, and I lay there limp.
Daddy's breathing slowed down and he reached for something before pulling out of me. My ass felt suddenly empty for only a second before something else found its way inside.
"It's your favorite purple butt plug, princess. This way, you can keep all my cum inside you longer."
He untied my legs but left my arms bound behind me as he helped me all of the way onto the bed. I snuggled up beside him. I didn't realize till later that he hadn't grabbed a towel to wipe off his cock.
After a few minutes, he turned towards me and took the tape off my mouth and removed the panties. My throat felt so dry. He then stood up and pulled me to the edge of the bed on my back, my head hanging over the side.
"Ok princess, are you ready to taste your own ass?"
My eyes widened in shock and I exclaimed: "Dadd---" but I was cut off as he filled my mouth with his cock. It's hard to say whether it was the smell or the taste that was off but either way it was quite horrible. But my arms were tied behind my back and I had to do whatever Daddy wanted anyway.
"Good girl, taste your own ass. You like the taste of your own asshole, don't you? Little cumslut whore." he chided at me and my whole body quivered at the humiliation as I gurgled and whined.
His cock had been softening up when he started but it was easily getting quite hard once again. As he quickened his thrusts, the taste was the least of my problems as I gagged and spit and choked. I could hear my own throat making swallowing sounds and lines of tears fell down the sides of my head from my eyes. His rhythm was speeding up like he wanted to come but then he stopped and quickly spun me around and flipped me over, pulling the butt plug out of my ass and replacing it with his once again engorged cock.
He pumped his cock deep in my ass a few times and I once again felt the familiar sensation of his hot cum shooting inside me and I moaned as I continued to catch my breath. He lay on top of me like that catching his own breath when the door bell rang.
He pulled out, untied my arms, and while putting the butt plug back inside my ass, he said "Ah yes, that would be your sister and her daddy, come to hang out with us." I was thinking to myself, 'thank God the scene is over then'. As if reading my mind, he said, grinning
"And the night has only started."
I groaned, wondering what else he could possibly have planned.
"Princess, the rest of the night, you will be on all fours, do you understand?" I nodded and said "Yes Daddy."
The doorbell rang again.
"Good girl" he said, "Now go get the door and greet our guests."
I got off the bed and went down to my hands and knees, before crawling out of the bedroom and to the front door. I turned the knob with one hand and pulled the door slightly open. I was greeted by a "Hi sis!" and the smiling faces of my sister, Linda and her daddy as they walked in. They gazed at me with interest and it was only then that I realized I was still completely naked and my makeup must have been smeared all over my face. I suddenly blushed.
Daddy came out of the bedroom fully dressed and shook Linda's Daddy's hand and said hi to Linda. They chatted while Linda grinned ear to ear at me the whole time and I continued blushing. I turned around and walked farther into the living room and I heard Linda say
"Squeee! She's got a butt plug in!"
Daddy responded: "Yes, princess has had some incontinence problems so I've had to keep her plugged."
I was so shocked, I stammered out a retort "I do not!". Daddy just glared at me and I shrunk down, trying to make myself as small as I could.
"That's five." is all he said and I flinched.
"Excuse me, I think I need to take care of something before we watch that tv show you wanted to show me. Please feel free to have a seat." Daddy said as he went into the kitchen. He came back out with some rope and my metal dog bowl and placed it on the floor next to the couch.
"Come here, princess." he said sternly and I did as ordered. He had me get into a squat position, with my elbows on the couch and my butt hanging over the edge of the couch, right above where he put the dog bowl. Then he tied me in place. He also tethered a rope from a small hook on the ceiling.
I cringed when he produced some clover clamps out of nowhere and one by one clamped them to my nipples. I moaned as he tugged on the chain in between them and felt them tighten on my nipples. He tied the chain to the end of the rope connected to the ceiling leaving just enough room that I wouldn't be able to rest my body fully without applying pressure to the nipple clamps. I whined.
Then he removed the butt plug and I felt a small amount of come start to drip out of my ass into the dog bowl. It was excruciatingly unpleasant, the feeling of something seeping out of my ass while trying to hold myself up so as not to let the nipple clamps pinch harder than they already were.
"There." Daddy said, "Now that she has her evening snack being made, I will get something for us."
Evening snack? What was he---oh. It took me a bit to think through the distractions to realize what he meant. He was going to make me lick up the cum. I whined at the thought and I could feel both Linda and her Daddy's stares on me as they grinned, watching. I could feel the cum ever so slowly creeping out of me in weird long strands but it was taking so long, it left me feeling itchy and like I had to go to the bathroom but it wouldn't all come out.
Daddy returned with a beer for Linda's Daddy and some juice for Linda. They turned on the TV and began watching some tv show documentary about the financial crisis or something.....I have to admit I had a hard time paying attention. Thank god there wasn't going to be a quiz.
As the credits were rolling, Daddy looked over and said
"Ok princess, it's time for your snack." I groaned, knowing what was coming. He took the dog bowl out from under me and showed it to me. There wasn't much cum in it and it looked like some of it was probably my own but a good amount of it seemed to have dripped off the side of the bowl and onto the carpet.
"Uh-oh, she dribbled on the carpet." Daddy said, showing it to Linda and her Daddy. I dont think I ever blushed that hard in my life. Daddy untied me from the couch and removed the nipple clamps while I tried not to scream.
"Could I get Linda's help here, by chance?" Daddy asked her daddy. Her daddy nodded intrigued and Linda grinned evilly. My whine came out like a puppy dog's and my pussy clenched. Still on my hands and knees, Daddy shoved my head down into the area of the carpet where I had dribbled. My nose and mouth got the brunt of the wetness.
"Bad girl!" he said. "Don't move!"
He took off his belt again and asked "Now what did I say earlier? Five? Yes I think that was right. Linda, keep her head down in that mess and count for her, will you please?"
Linda said "sure!" and she grabbed me by the hair and pushed my head into the carpet more, rubbing it in.
WHAP! Daddy's belt hit my ass with a sudden strike and I yelped.
"One!" Linda said
WHAP! Daddy hit the same spot and I couldn't help but try to move away but Linda leveraged her body weight against me and held me there by the hair and said "Two!"
WHAP! My scream muffled through the carpet and tears started filling my eyes.
"Three!" Linda chimed in.
WHAP! "Four"
WHAP WHAP WHAP! "Five?" Linda looked unsure as I blubbered and lost myself in the pain and humiliation.
"Yes thank you Linda." Daddy said as he put his belt back on and began rubbing my ass, cooling it down.
"Now you can have your treat, little girl." He said as he placed the dog bowl in front of me. "Lick it all up now." I continued crying, more from the humiliation than any of the pain as I started trying to lick up the little bit of cum that had gotten in the bowl.
"Such a good little cumslut bitch." Daddy said and Linda giggled while her daddy smiled.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Day After Valentine's Day
So you'd think the day after Valentine's Day would be no big deal because the big day is over and we go back to our normal lives. Well, Daddy decided he wanted to come over to cook up our leftovers from our dinner the night before. I had given him a key to my apartment a few weeks before so it was no problem for him to come by while I was at the gym.
I arrived home from the gym to find him setting up an elaborate candle-lit dinner table. He'd moved the flowers he'd gotten me to the table, along with one of the cards he'd gotten me and had set the table with some salad and had the leftover steak in the oven to reheat. I had actually not seen his car outside so before I walked in the door, I had been feeling rather glum because I thought he hadn't been able to make it over for some reason. But when I opened the door and it wasn't locked, I stepped inside all excited. And when I saw what he was setting up, I grinned ear to ear.
After hugging and kissing him, I changed out of my gym clothes and right back into the purple babydoll that he liked so much but I put underwear on this time since we were eating. He helped me with my chair and we sat down and ate our leftovers and discussed the night before. I told him about my thoughts about why I had felt like the yoga/fetch scene actually wasn't as humiliating as I'd thought it would be. Then I also mentioned that I had been a really good girl and that I liked making Daddy happy but sometimes I did want some sort of punishment...or maybe more of a 'funishment'.
At the same time, I didn't want to mess up on purpose and make him disappointed in me so maybe he could give me some impossible tasks or something to give him an excuse to punish me or he could simply do so 'because he can'. After dinner, I got down from the table and kneeled next to him, he pushed his chair out from the table so I could crawl under the table and kneel in front of him, laying my head on his lap.
We kept on talking and he started talking about chocolates for valentine's Day and he was talking about some chocolate places and I think he was trying to say Ghiradelli but he ended up saying Ghirbaldi and I just started cracking up. And that was my word for the night....I couldn't stop saying it. He was laughing about it too but then he said I was going to get punished for that. Haha!
We went into the bedroom and he found my paddle brush again and as I laid face down on the bed, he straddled my waist, facing my ass and began paddling my ass. My legs were soon kicking and I was squirming and moaning. Gosh that thing hurts! Then he stopped and we both admired my nice red ass. He didn't have his toy bag at my place so we ended up using a bondage kit I had on hand instead as he tied me on my back with my legs up in the air again.
I was afraid he was going to use my cunt again because it was still SO sore and so I asked him "Are you going to fuck my ass, Daddy?" and he said "No I don't think so." And I thought for a few more moments as he was still getting ready and said "Because my cunt is still very sore". And he said "ooooh that's right." He paused a minute and then said "Nope too bad little girl, I'm still fucking your cunt. You need to get used to this whenever I want it."
Part of me was scared and part of me was so completely turned on that he was going to do something against my wishes. I submitted though and he went slow at first...it hurt a little but once the rhythm was going, it was just fine and I breathed easier.....or rather, moaned. At some point, he added more lube and switched to fucking my ass instead continually whispering in my ear. He'd go slow and I'd whine "Daddy fuck my ass!" and he'd pound his cock faster into my ass. At one point, he stopped and asked "Is that going too deep?" and me in a bit of a daze, said something like "I---I---Dunno". In my head I was thinking "yes a little too deep but don't stop!" lol.
Finally, he pulled out and after removing the condom, he moved my head to the edge of the bed again and started fucking my mouth and throat some too. After a little bit, he moved my head back to the pillow and fucked my mouth from there and came down my throat. He untied me and we got ready for bed, just another day after valentine's day. *giggle*
I arrived home from the gym to find him setting up an elaborate candle-lit dinner table. He'd moved the flowers he'd gotten me to the table, along with one of the cards he'd gotten me and had set the table with some salad and had the leftover steak in the oven to reheat. I had actually not seen his car outside so before I walked in the door, I had been feeling rather glum because I thought he hadn't been able to make it over for some reason. But when I opened the door and it wasn't locked, I stepped inside all excited. And when I saw what he was setting up, I grinned ear to ear.
After hugging and kissing him, I changed out of my gym clothes and right back into the purple babydoll that he liked so much but I put underwear on this time since we were eating. He helped me with my chair and we sat down and ate our leftovers and discussed the night before. I told him about my thoughts about why I had felt like the yoga/fetch scene actually wasn't as humiliating as I'd thought it would be. Then I also mentioned that I had been a really good girl and that I liked making Daddy happy but sometimes I did want some sort of punishment...or maybe more of a 'funishment'.
At the same time, I didn't want to mess up on purpose and make him disappointed in me so maybe he could give me some impossible tasks or something to give him an excuse to punish me or he could simply do so 'because he can'. After dinner, I got down from the table and kneeled next to him, he pushed his chair out from the table so I could crawl under the table and kneel in front of him, laying my head on his lap.
We kept on talking and he started talking about chocolates for valentine's Day and he was talking about some chocolate places and I think he was trying to say Ghiradelli but he ended up saying Ghirbaldi and I just started cracking up. And that was my word for the night....I couldn't stop saying it. He was laughing about it too but then he said I was going to get punished for that. Haha!
We went into the bedroom and he found my paddle brush again and as I laid face down on the bed, he straddled my waist, facing my ass and began paddling my ass. My legs were soon kicking and I was squirming and moaning. Gosh that thing hurts! Then he stopped and we both admired my nice red ass. He didn't have his toy bag at my place so we ended up using a bondage kit I had on hand instead as he tied me on my back with my legs up in the air again.
I was afraid he was going to use my cunt again because it was still SO sore and so I asked him "Are you going to fuck my ass, Daddy?" and he said "No I don't think so." And I thought for a few more moments as he was still getting ready and said "Because my cunt is still very sore". And he said "ooooh that's right." He paused a minute and then said "Nope too bad little girl, I'm still fucking your cunt. You need to get used to this whenever I want it."
Part of me was scared and part of me was so completely turned on that he was going to do something against my wishes. I submitted though and he went slow at first...it hurt a little but once the rhythm was going, it was just fine and I breathed easier.....or rather, moaned. At some point, he added more lube and switched to fucking my ass instead continually whispering in my ear. He'd go slow and I'd whine "Daddy fuck my ass!" and he'd pound his cock faster into my ass. At one point, he stopped and asked "Is that going too deep?" and me in a bit of a daze, said something like "I---I---Dunno". In my head I was thinking "yes a little too deep but don't stop!" lol.
Finally, he pulled out and after removing the condom, he moved my head to the edge of the bed again and started fucking my mouth and throat some too. After a little bit, he moved my head back to the pillow and fucked my mouth from there and came down my throat. He untied me and we got ready for bed, just another day after valentine's day. *giggle*
Friday, February 17, 2012
Our First Valentine's Day Together
Daddy and I had a wonderful Valentine's Day evening. The night was started by me going to the gym to do yoga. When I got back from yoga, I saw Daddy's car outside (I think he'd just arrived). I was tempted to run over to him but I decided he probably wanted to bring flowers to my door so I'd best instead hurry up to my apartment, which I did. I then began hurriedly changing from yoga clothes back into the nice red dress I'd worn to work that day.
When Daddy came to the door, I was not quite ready yet but I answered the door and he had a bouquet of roses/flowers in his hand. I smiled and hugged him close and kissed him. I hadn't seen him in a whole three days! I went back to getting ready and when I came back out, he had set a card on the counter and on the envelope it was marked in big letters: PRINCESS.
I then gave him my present, a sonnet I had written for him, framed with a picture of us from our Bed and Breakfast trip last month, and of course a card marked Daddy. We both ended up reading our cards at the same time and between the card saying that I was "the perfect woman for [him]" and his own writing inside the card saying I was "the best girlfriend [he's] ever had", my eyes were brimming with tears. I went over and put my arms around him as he read the rest of my card and all the writing I had written inside. Then Daddy popped the cork on a bottle of Cupcake champagne and we toasted to a glass before we left for dinner.
When we went down to the car, before we got in, I slipped off my black panties and handed them to Daddy, who seemed a bit surprised. I couldn't help but giggle. But then I was the one who was surprised when I saw there was yet ANOTHER bouquet of roses/flowers and ANOTHER card in his car, this one marked LITTLE GIRL. I might very well have squeee'd with joy. =) Daddy helped me into the car as I juggled the flowers, the card, my clutch, and the teddy bear that always rides with me in his car. And then we zoomed off.
We arrived at the Keg and found a fairly close parking spot in a very busy lot; luck was working well for us that night. I was glad because the new heels I had purchased for the occasion were not the most comfortable and needed to be broken in. We went inside and were seated after only a short wait time, thanks to our reservation. The waiter was great, the food was magnificent, and the best part of the whole meal was simply being there together; I think we both can agree on that.
By the time we were in the car driving back to my place, we realized it had been two whole hours at dinner; that surprised both of us because the time had just flown by. When we got home, he took the panties I'd given him out of his pocket and stuffed them into my mouth and walked me up to my apartment. He removed the panties and I found another vase and put the second set of flowers into it and set it next to the first vase. Daddy said he had to go use the restroom and brush his teeth but then he had 'plans' for tonight. I smiled knowingly; I had been hoping he'd need a moment so I could sneak away, slip out of my dress and into a brand new purple babydoll that we'd talked about previously.
When I walked out of the bedroom to find him in the living room, I only had the babydoll on and nothing else. He seemed pretty pleased about that. He said he was going to brush my hair so he said to get him a hair brush. I went and got the paddle brush I have and he seemed quite amused that it was called a 'paddle' brush. I giggled at that too, having not really thought about it before.
He sat on the couch and had me sit with my back to him in between his legs on the floor and he brushed my hair, eventually brushing them and securing them into two side pigtails. I have to admit that I wondered how it would look with Daddy doing it but later in the evening, when I saw myself in the mirror, I was astonished to find that I looked quite adorable. He did a good job. He then proceeded in turning me around and grabbing me by the pigtails and forcing my mouth down on his cock. He pushed me all the way down to where I couldn't breathe and counted to ten and then let me up. I took a big breath and he did it again.
Then Daddy got up and told me "I don't often give you actual 'orders' but tonight I'm ordering you to stay on all fours for the evening". I swear my pussy clenched at the thought and I nodded and said "yes Daddy". He then proceeded to take out some old beat up high heels and some electrician's tape and began taping my hands into the heels.
When he was done I had heels for hands and could not get them off. Then he tied a tight collar with a cowbell on it around my neck and connected a thick leash to it. He half drug me to my second bedroom and drug me around the room while I tried to explain what parts of the room I had cleaned for him a few days before. Then he drug me back to the living room again. I've been drug/led around by a collar before but it's usually been rather loose...it was kind of a nice feeling having it feel so much tighter.
I then sat there on all fours and watched as he readied a few things. He got a pad of paper and a pen out and put on a purple rubber glove (which he usually fingered my cunt with). I was a bit confused as to what his plan was until he produced a little squishy baseball.
"Alright princess, tonight's your night." he said and suddenly I knew what was going to happen. He had previously talked about doing a scene where he would throw a ball and I would have to fetch it on all fours, bring it back to him with it in my mouth, and do a yoga move (keeping it in my mouth) that would show him my cunt. He said if I did this twelve times with twelve different yoga moves successfully, he would give me a really good cunt pounding but if I failed, he would give me a good punishment. All in all, I wondered whether winning or losing was better but I wanted to do my best for Daddy.
As he threw the ball across the room, I scrambled after it, grabbing it with my mouth, and quickly crawling back to him, half smiling, half blushing. I then did the first yoga move and found out what the glove was for as he used it to violate my cunt a few times before I could come out of the move and give him the ball back. He had me put my back to him and watch the ball so I knew where it went and he threw it again. Indeed, we did this twelve times and somehow I managed to do twelve different yoga moves, although doing some of them (tripod headstand for instance) with heels on my hands were quite difficult and Daddy did oblige in helping hold me up for those. One of the times, I put the ball into his shoe and brought his shoe back....we both laughed at that.
I really surprised myself. I didn't feel as humiliated as I thought I would and I think there may have been a few factors to that. One, I wanted to please Daddy and there was no end to smiling and laughing on his part every time I came back with the ball in my mouth. Two, it was just the two of us there so in a way, it was just between us and so less humiliating. Three, I had been given at least a month to think about this scene and plan for it. When he'd first told me about it, I did not like the idea at all but over time, I became more and more ok with it.
And so when he set down a dog bowl of cheerios, telling me to eat some, I did so willingly as well. I did feel silly and I did feel degraded and humiliated to a point but not very much, probably for similar reasons as above. Daddy told me I'd done a great job and so he said it was time for my reward. He started off by wetting his cock with my throat some and then he turned me around and on my hands and knees, head laying against the couch, he fucked me doggy style. How appropriate. =)
After that, he had me lay on my back with my legs up in the air and tried to pound my cunt good from there but we had trouble with the floor and my hands were timing out from being in the heels for so long. So he cut the tape off the heels, once again connected a leash to my collar and let me into the bedroom. There he had me lay on my back with my head hanging off the side of the bed and he stood over me, pushing his cock into my mouth and down my throat.
I took his cock all the way down and tried not to breathe but that of course only goes so long, when I had to breathe again I tried to move my head down to back my throat/mouth away and could barely get it out enough to slightly breathe but I could not get it all the way out. God that was hot. He did that for a few more minutes but then when I felt like it was going to go too far (and maybe a little something did come up but I swallowed it again), I turned my head to the side to get his cock all the way out and began panting. Steak dinner and alcohol do not make for a good combination for a puke-less deep throat session so we decided not to chance it more.
He moved my head back to the pillow, put my legs up in the air and began fucking my cunt relentlessly again. As he did so, he sucked on my neck and I moaned all the louder. He whispered in my ear about an enema scene we've been talking about, going into great detail and turning me on even more. At some point, he moved back and pulled me along with him and we changed positions such that I was on top of him. He helped me get a rhythm going up and down on his cock and God it felt so good. Every time I came down on his cock, my clit smacked right against him too so when he started sucking on my nipples too, I was in heaven. I remember thinking to myself "Oh God I can't stop" and that made it even hotter.
I must have been doing something right because though Daddy might have had other plans, he ended up coming inside my cunt that way. I slowed down to stop and we held each other for a few minutes before getting up. As I got ready for bed, I was surprised with how much my cunt hurt. I had never felt my cunt so sore in my life. I might have needed some lube near the end of that last bit there. Then I noticed that my knees were very much red with rugburn. I put aloe on them and took an ibuprofen and we cuddled into bed and fell asleep.
So as you can see it was quite the Valentine's Day for us. =)
When Daddy came to the door, I was not quite ready yet but I answered the door and he had a bouquet of roses/flowers in his hand. I smiled and hugged him close and kissed him. I hadn't seen him in a whole three days! I went back to getting ready and when I came back out, he had set a card on the counter and on the envelope it was marked in big letters: PRINCESS.
I then gave him my present, a sonnet I had written for him, framed with a picture of us from our Bed and Breakfast trip last month, and of course a card marked Daddy. We both ended up reading our cards at the same time and between the card saying that I was "the perfect woman for [him]" and his own writing inside the card saying I was "the best girlfriend [he's] ever had", my eyes were brimming with tears. I went over and put my arms around him as he read the rest of my card and all the writing I had written inside. Then Daddy popped the cork on a bottle of Cupcake champagne and we toasted to a glass before we left for dinner.
When we went down to the car, before we got in, I slipped off my black panties and handed them to Daddy, who seemed a bit surprised. I couldn't help but giggle. But then I was the one who was surprised when I saw there was yet ANOTHER bouquet of roses/flowers and ANOTHER card in his car, this one marked LITTLE GIRL. I might very well have squeee'd with joy. =) Daddy helped me into the car as I juggled the flowers, the card, my clutch, and the teddy bear that always rides with me in his car. And then we zoomed off.
We arrived at the Keg and found a fairly close parking spot in a very busy lot; luck was working well for us that night. I was glad because the new heels I had purchased for the occasion were not the most comfortable and needed to be broken in. We went inside and were seated after only a short wait time, thanks to our reservation. The waiter was great, the food was magnificent, and the best part of the whole meal was simply being there together; I think we both can agree on that.
By the time we were in the car driving back to my place, we realized it had been two whole hours at dinner; that surprised both of us because the time had just flown by. When we got home, he took the panties I'd given him out of his pocket and stuffed them into my mouth and walked me up to my apartment. He removed the panties and I found another vase and put the second set of flowers into it and set it next to the first vase. Daddy said he had to go use the restroom and brush his teeth but then he had 'plans' for tonight. I smiled knowingly; I had been hoping he'd need a moment so I could sneak away, slip out of my dress and into a brand new purple babydoll that we'd talked about previously.
When I walked out of the bedroom to find him in the living room, I only had the babydoll on and nothing else. He seemed pretty pleased about that. He said he was going to brush my hair so he said to get him a hair brush. I went and got the paddle brush I have and he seemed quite amused that it was called a 'paddle' brush. I giggled at that too, having not really thought about it before.
He sat on the couch and had me sit with my back to him in between his legs on the floor and he brushed my hair, eventually brushing them and securing them into two side pigtails. I have to admit that I wondered how it would look with Daddy doing it but later in the evening, when I saw myself in the mirror, I was astonished to find that I looked quite adorable. He did a good job. He then proceeded in turning me around and grabbing me by the pigtails and forcing my mouth down on his cock. He pushed me all the way down to where I couldn't breathe and counted to ten and then let me up. I took a big breath and he did it again.
Then Daddy got up and told me "I don't often give you actual 'orders' but tonight I'm ordering you to stay on all fours for the evening". I swear my pussy clenched at the thought and I nodded and said "yes Daddy". He then proceeded to take out some old beat up high heels and some electrician's tape and began taping my hands into the heels.
When he was done I had heels for hands and could not get them off. Then he tied a tight collar with a cowbell on it around my neck and connected a thick leash to it. He half drug me to my second bedroom and drug me around the room while I tried to explain what parts of the room I had cleaned for him a few days before. Then he drug me back to the living room again. I've been drug/led around by a collar before but it's usually been rather loose...it was kind of a nice feeling having it feel so much tighter.
I then sat there on all fours and watched as he readied a few things. He got a pad of paper and a pen out and put on a purple rubber glove (which he usually fingered my cunt with). I was a bit confused as to what his plan was until he produced a little squishy baseball.
"Alright princess, tonight's your night." he said and suddenly I knew what was going to happen. He had previously talked about doing a scene where he would throw a ball and I would have to fetch it on all fours, bring it back to him with it in my mouth, and do a yoga move (keeping it in my mouth) that would show him my cunt. He said if I did this twelve times with twelve different yoga moves successfully, he would give me a really good cunt pounding but if I failed, he would give me a good punishment. All in all, I wondered whether winning or losing was better but I wanted to do my best for Daddy.
As he threw the ball across the room, I scrambled after it, grabbing it with my mouth, and quickly crawling back to him, half smiling, half blushing. I then did the first yoga move and found out what the glove was for as he used it to violate my cunt a few times before I could come out of the move and give him the ball back. He had me put my back to him and watch the ball so I knew where it went and he threw it again. Indeed, we did this twelve times and somehow I managed to do twelve different yoga moves, although doing some of them (tripod headstand for instance) with heels on my hands were quite difficult and Daddy did oblige in helping hold me up for those. One of the times, I put the ball into his shoe and brought his shoe back....we both laughed at that.
I really surprised myself. I didn't feel as humiliated as I thought I would and I think there may have been a few factors to that. One, I wanted to please Daddy and there was no end to smiling and laughing on his part every time I came back with the ball in my mouth. Two, it was just the two of us there so in a way, it was just between us and so less humiliating. Three, I had been given at least a month to think about this scene and plan for it. When he'd first told me about it, I did not like the idea at all but over time, I became more and more ok with it.
And so when he set down a dog bowl of cheerios, telling me to eat some, I did so willingly as well. I did feel silly and I did feel degraded and humiliated to a point but not very much, probably for similar reasons as above. Daddy told me I'd done a great job and so he said it was time for my reward. He started off by wetting his cock with my throat some and then he turned me around and on my hands and knees, head laying against the couch, he fucked me doggy style. How appropriate. =)
After that, he had me lay on my back with my legs up in the air and tried to pound my cunt good from there but we had trouble with the floor and my hands were timing out from being in the heels for so long. So he cut the tape off the heels, once again connected a leash to my collar and let me into the bedroom. There he had me lay on my back with my head hanging off the side of the bed and he stood over me, pushing his cock into my mouth and down my throat.
I took his cock all the way down and tried not to breathe but that of course only goes so long, when I had to breathe again I tried to move my head down to back my throat/mouth away and could barely get it out enough to slightly breathe but I could not get it all the way out. God that was hot. He did that for a few more minutes but then when I felt like it was going to go too far (and maybe a little something did come up but I swallowed it again), I turned my head to the side to get his cock all the way out and began panting. Steak dinner and alcohol do not make for a good combination for a puke-less deep throat session so we decided not to chance it more.
He moved my head back to the pillow, put my legs up in the air and began fucking my cunt relentlessly again. As he did so, he sucked on my neck and I moaned all the louder. He whispered in my ear about an enema scene we've been talking about, going into great detail and turning me on even more. At some point, he moved back and pulled me along with him and we changed positions such that I was on top of him. He helped me get a rhythm going up and down on his cock and God it felt so good. Every time I came down on his cock, my clit smacked right against him too so when he started sucking on my nipples too, I was in heaven. I remember thinking to myself "Oh God I can't stop" and that made it even hotter.
I must have been doing something right because though Daddy might have had other plans, he ended up coming inside my cunt that way. I slowed down to stop and we held each other for a few minutes before getting up. As I got ready for bed, I was surprised with how much my cunt hurt. I had never felt my cunt so sore in my life. I might have needed some lube near the end of that last bit there. Then I noticed that my knees were very much red with rugburn. I put aloe on them and took an ibuprofen and we cuddled into bed and fell asleep.
So as you can see it was quite the Valentine's Day for us. =)
Friday, January 20, 2012
Missing the Amazing Plateau
Lately I've been pondering orgasm. I've had a few different sensations in my lifetime thus far that I equate with some kind of orgasm. They are as follows:
1. The mountain peak: building up to an orgasm that lasts around 2-5 seconds and slowly dwindles away
2. The firecracker-dud: building up to an orgasm that doesn't quite get there.....it's almost there and then it's just...gone.
3. The amazing plateau: building up, a longer build up, to an orgasm that breaks free and lasts 10-15 seconds and takes about an hour to come down from the euphoric feeling it leaves behind.
I've probably experienced sensation #1 most often in my life and #3 only once or twice ever. Lately I have felt neither though. Sex and masturbation have both felt great and amazing but nothing that really seems to build up at all. Or when it does, it fades away as quickly as it came.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it but it is a little perplexing. I read about girls who experience multiple orgasms or can orgasm on command and I just can't even begin to imagine. I've been wondering if something is holding me back; something in my mind. A girlfriend of mine told me that she had a friend who had never really orgasmed and after exploring things with her therapist, she finally was able to. So I've pondered going to some kind of sex-therapist.
Then again, maybe it's as simple as not masturbating. Maybe I masturbate too much. Thinking back to the times when I did experience sensation #3, I didn't really masturbate back then....in fact I would go 2-3 months without doing it. Nowadays, I find myself doing it every other day.
Maybe I need Daddy to make a rule, forcing me not to masturbate unless he says so. That in itself makes me feel tingly all over. =)
1. The mountain peak: building up to an orgasm that lasts around 2-5 seconds and slowly dwindles away
2. The firecracker-dud: building up to an orgasm that doesn't quite get there.....it's almost there and then it's just...gone.
3. The amazing plateau: building up, a longer build up, to an orgasm that breaks free and lasts 10-15 seconds and takes about an hour to come down from the euphoric feeling it leaves behind.
I've probably experienced sensation #1 most often in my life and #3 only once or twice ever. Lately I have felt neither though. Sex and masturbation have both felt great and amazing but nothing that really seems to build up at all. Or when it does, it fades away as quickly as it came.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it but it is a little perplexing. I read about girls who experience multiple orgasms or can orgasm on command and I just can't even begin to imagine. I've been wondering if something is holding me back; something in my mind. A girlfriend of mine told me that she had a friend who had never really orgasmed and after exploring things with her therapist, she finally was able to. So I've pondered going to some kind of sex-therapist.
Then again, maybe it's as simple as not masturbating. Maybe I masturbate too much. Thinking back to the times when I did experience sensation #3, I didn't really masturbate back then....in fact I would go 2-3 months without doing it. Nowadays, I find myself doing it every other day.
Maybe I need Daddy to make a rule, forcing me not to masturbate unless he says so. That in itself makes me feel tingly all over. =)
Thursday, December 29, 2011
"Drink some water"
The following is fictional erotica between two consenting adults involving ageplay and bladder control.
Like many things it started with alcohol. Daddy and I had been out with some friends, Jake and Kylie, for lunch and I found myself having have had way too much to drink. We pulled up to my apartment and Daddy immediately told me: "Make sure you drink a lot of water, princess. That was a lot of alcohol for a little girl to consume." I replied with "yes daddy" but it was a little slurred so it sounded more like "Yesh Dyadhee".
We went up to my apartment and cuddled on the couch while we watched an episode of television. Midway through the episode, Daddy reminded me to drink some water again and I affirmed him with a similar response but did not get up. A couple more times throughout the show, he reminded me again and I finally got up and filled a glass with water and sat back down. Daddy was so warm and cozy though that I set the glass down and forgot about it instantly.
When the tv episode was over, Daddy turned to me and sternly said: "Princess, I asked you three times to drink some water and you still have not done so. You know it's for your own good and yet you disobeyed me three times. For this, you will receive a punishment but first, I will have to hydrate you myself." His words sobered me up and I reached for the glass of water, hoping to help the situation by finally starting to drink some water but he grabbed my hand and said "No. It's too late for that. We will do it MY way now." I was suddenly afraid of what he could mean and yet the commanding tone of his voice made my pussy clench.
He took the glass from me and went to the cupboard and retrieved a 32 oz water bottle. He filled that full of water and handed it to me, saying "I'm going to the car to get some equipment. I better come back here to find you, in nothing but your panties, kneeling on the floor and this water bottle empty...and don't even think of emptying it into the sink because I will know and then your punishment will be ten times worse." I gasped and took it from him. What equipment could he possibly need?
I quickly stripped down and kneeled on the living room floor. I tried to down the water bottle all at once but about 2/3 way through it, I had to stop. While I waited for my stomach to shift enough for me to drink the rest of it, my mind was doing cartwheels wondering what Daddy had in store for me. It was unlike him to want to do anything in the bathroom and the only equipment we usually used was rope. I heard footsteps outside the door and quickly started downing the last little bit. As Daddy opened the door, I had just finished the water.
My relief at having finished in time was quickly cut short as I felt the rumbling of my tummy from all of that water. My bladder had already begun to go crazy because of the alcohol I had consumed but now I had just added more liquid. "Daddy can I use the toilet please before we start?" I asked. "No you may not, princess." he said with a smile, "you get no privileges right now, not even bathroom privileges." Oh God. What had I gotten myself into?
It was only then that I noticed that Daddy was holding his toy bag in one hand and a large plastic bag in the other; I couldn't see what was in the bag. He set both bags down and walked over to where I was kneeling, suddenly grabbing a fistful of my hair and forcing me to look up at him. "You may not like what I'm going to do to you but it's your own fault for not listening." He moved his other hand down into my panties to my cunt, which was already practically dripping from his words alone, laughed, and said "then again, maybe you will like it." I blushed profusely.
He let go of me long enough to open the toy bag and bring out some white rope. This type of thing I was familiar with although it was beginning to be hard to concentrate thanks to my bladder reminding me of the fact that I had consumed a lot of liquid and not yet been able to purge it. He also took out what looked like a prescription drug bottle from his pocket, popped one pill out into his hand and after refilling the 32oz bottle of water, instructed me to take the pill with some water.
Again, this was quite different than anything we normally did but I not only trusted Daddy with my heart but also my body so I obediently did as he asked and downed the pill with the smallest amount of water from the bottle I could manage. My stomach churned and my bladder continued to fight for my attention and I continued to try to ignore it and concentrate on what Daddy was doing.
He began tying me up using a chest harness and tying my calves to my thighs which ended up putting me into a basic frog tie. He also added a box tie to keep my arms behind my back. This was something else I was pretty familiar with and yet I found myself twitching and struggling slightly due to my bladder's continued imploring. I also realized that the tie kept my legs farther apart and the urgency of my bladder was turning into the urgency of my kegel muscles to hold everything back. This would not be good.
"Daddy I'm serious I really need to go to the bathroom. I don't know how much longer I can hold it." I whined trying but failing to turn around to look at him. I heard his response very softly and close to my ear: "That's the idea, princess. Just remember, the predicament you are in is your fault for not listening to me." My pussy unwillingly clenched and I let out a soft moan but then had to immediately turn my attention back to my kegels to hold back what already seemed like grand coolie dam just waiting to burst and Daddy just laughed as he straddled me from behind, his hips holding me down.
This position was also familiar but that would mean he planned to tickl--- my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sudden jab of his fingers on the sides of my ribs and I shrieked involuntarily, letting go of my urethral muscles for just a second before remembering what I was holding back. I felt a tiny bit of wetness in my panties but wasn't sure if some urine had escaped or if it was simply the natural wetness of my cunt. Either way I was already embarrassed. I struggled to catch my breath from just that one jab but he wasn't waiting for me to recover before he started tickling the sides of my ribs and up to my armpits.
I became a struggling mess of moans, shrieks, and pleading. "Daddy no! stop! I'm really going to go pee! You don't understand! I can't help it!" He did not however stop at all but instead responded very seriously "You BETTER NOT pee your panties little girl or I will be VERY ANGRY." I was suddenly very confused. Why did he not let me go to the bathroom before tying me up if he didn't want me to pee my panties in the first place? I didn't know but I couldn't continue thinking about it since my thoughts had to stay extremely focused on keeping back the raging river. A battle that was losing ground very quickly.
His tickling was relentless and it only got worse. Finally, I could hold back no longer and I screamed as my cunt spasmed uncontrollably while the flowing urine coated and soaked my panties. Tears came to my eyes in humiliation as the pressure from my bladder was finally released. Daddy stopped tickling me, stood up, crossed his arms, looking down at me with a frown.
"You really pissed your panties, little girl? You know only little girls piss their panties. That's why they're not allowed to wear big girl panties. Maybe you need to wear what little girls wear." He chided at me. I looked up at him, tears rolling down my cheeks, pleading eyes praying he wasn't serious. What I saw when I looked up was Daddy holding an adult diaper. My eyes grew wide in disbelief. He couldn't be serious? Would my humiliation ever end? And yet his mocking words and the humiliation of it all made my pussy clench in anticipation. What was wrong with me? I didn't want this!
Daddy kneeled down and untied my legs and let me stretch them out while he went and got a towel and some carpet cleaner. After removing my soaking panties and discarding them, he laid the diaper down and rolled me onto my back, scooting my bum down into place. He wiped my cunt and ass off with a baby wipe and grabbed a bottle of baby powder nearby and covered my cunt in powder. Then he pulled the front of the diaper up and taped the back to the front, enclosing it upon my crotch.
"There you go, little girl. All safe and sound now, you don't have to worry about making another mess now." My face turned very red and I whimpered and yet my clitoris perked up causing me to turn another shade of red. He untied my arms as well and told me to "clean up my mess". I vigorously scrubbed at the spot on the carpet on my hands and knees while he stood by and watched. "You know, little girl, your diaper gives your butt an extra cute wiggle when you do that." he smiled and I whimpered some more, stopping to look up at him with the best pout I could manage.
He simply laughed and said "Such a cute little girl. Hurry up and finish cleaning up the mess you made. I have more plans for you still." More plans? What? Wasn't this bad enough? Being forced into a diaper after being forced to piss myself silly? The fear and dread swept down my chest turning into arrousal as it descended to my groin. I reminded myself that Daddy owned me. He could do whatever he wanted to me whether I liked it or not. That thought only made my cunt burn hotter.
When I finished cleaning the carpet, I sat back up to find him holding the 32oz bottle of water again but screwed onto the top of it, was a baby bottle nipple. My eyes went wide as he set it down and ordered me to sit on the couch. As he tied my legs crossed legged and began duct taping my hands into fisted mittens, I pondered if he really expected me to drink more water. I had already soiled my panties, he didn't expect me to actually use the diaper too, did he???
Then he took the oversized baby bottle and proceeded in taping both of my hands to either side of it. "This is so little girl doesn't drop her bottle and make more of a mess. I know how little girls have a hard time gripping big bottles." he chided. Then taking a strip of duct tape, he cut a slit in it and placed it over my mouth. "This is so you be quiet like a good girl but are still able to drink your bottle." he said. A muffled whine escaped my covered lips. I wondered when the humiliation would end.
Just then, the doorbell rang. I swear my heart stopped. "Oh yes, little girl, I forgot to mention that I invited Jake and Kylie to come by and watch a movie with us. We had such a good time at lunch, I figured we could enjoy more time with them today. What do you think?" Daddy said, smirking. "Mmmf mmf mmfh" I managed to stutter in protest and he shushed me with a finger to my lips. "Just say 'yes daddy' like a good girl" he said. My lips quivering and tears beginning to form in my eyes, I mumbled "mmm mmm-mmm." The door bell rang again and he said "Good girl." as he got up and answered the door.
Jake and Kylie were good friends of ours and they were some of the few friends that knew about and understood our lifestyle without judging. In fact, I think in a lot of ways they were curious. And curious was definitely how I'd describe the looks on their faces as they were welcomed inside and immediately caught glimpses of me on the couch. How would most people react to finding a grown woman stark naked except for a diaper, tied up on the couch, hands taped up to a huge baby bottle, and her mouth taped mostly shut? Well I have to admit I was hoping they'd react by running away but I knew that I was not going to be so lucky.
"Well what have we here?" Jake said as he walked into the room, closer to me. "Was the little girl naughty?" he asked Daddy who replied with "Yes, very naughty. She pissed her big girl panties and made a mess on the carpet after disobeying me by not drinking any water." Kylie walked up to meet Jake, not able to take her eyes off me. "Awwww isn't the wittle girl so cute all tied up in her diedy with her bawtle!" she said to me smiling. I whimpered as more tears fell down my cheeks. My whole body was sweating and hot and my groin was the source of all the heat. "Well now she can't make a mess anymore, isn't that right princess?" Daddy asked. I slowly nodded my head.
Daddy took their attention away from me momentarily to talk about the movie they all wanted to watch and I was left in peace for a few moments. During that short conversation, Kylie would occasionally look over at me and wave her fingers at me like I was a little baby and I tried desperately to blend in with the couch.
Finally after offering them both wine, Daddy motioned for them to sit on the loveseat while he put the movie in and sat next to me on the couch. Before he started the movie, however, he told me loud enough for Jake and Kylie to hear "Ok little girl. I better see that bottle half gone before the previews are done playing. And it better be fully gone before the movie ends or you'll be in even more trouble." he said with a look on his face that meant he was very serious. I whimpered in shame. He really was going to make me soil the dreaded diaper. "And you should probably already be feeling more pressure about now anyway because that pill I gave you earlier was a diarrhetic" he said with a grin.
I had never wished for something so much in my life than to wish he was wrong but as if on cue, my bladder began to nag again. What was I going to do? Daddy wanted me to soil myself in this diaper like a helpless little girl, in front of our friends! I couldn't do this, my whole body ached with dread and I couldn't help but squirm, trying to think of some way out of this situation. But there was none.
"The previews are almost over, hunbun." Daddy said, bringing me back to reality. Alarmed that I had wasted precious time, I swung my arms up to my mouth to try to get the bottle in but failed, I couldn't quite get it in! "Does little girl need help getting her bottle into her mouth?" Kylie asked mockingly. I shamefully and tearfully nodded and she leaned over and helped open the slit in the duct tape slightly while raising my bottle (and arms with it) to my lips. She smiled at me as I started to suck the water through the bottle's nipple.
My shame was already at it's peak, only to find that the current preview was almost over and I had barely gotten any of the water down! I sucked relentlessly at the nipple , trying to get the water to come faster, all the while my bladder was protesting and I clamped my urethral muscles shut as tight as I could. Jake giggled at me and said "Wow little girl is thirsty, isn't she?" I ignored him as I tried to drink more water before the end of the preview but I wasn't going to make it. As the preview was ending, my sucking got louder and more frantic and all three of them were staring at me with the biggest grins on their faces.
The preview ended and to my relief, there was yet another preview. My whole body sighed, relieved. I was finally able to get enough of the water down before that preview finished that I could lower the bottle, breathe a little easier, and concentrate solely on clenching my cunt muscles. I could do this. I could make it through the movie without soiling the diaper. As if reading my thoughts, Daddy leaned over and produced some clover nipple clamps and after clipping one to one nipple, he strung the chain around the bottle and clipped the other end to the matching nipple. My nipples felt like they were two tiny specks of fire, burning and I hadn't even lifted the bottle back to my lips yet. This was not good.
The movie went on for what seemed like forever and I was thankful it was captivating enough to gather all of their attention, temporarily relieving me of at least some humiliation. Throughout the movie, I found myself fading off into a sort of subspace but the pain on my nipples and the burning need to relieve myself always brought me back to the present. Finally I realized I still had more to drink and the movie was almost over! I slowly lifted the bottle to my lips, wincing as the nipple clamps pulled taught by doing so. I could see Daddy watching me from the corner of his eye.
As the movie's ending music began to crescendo and the scene faded to the credits, my sucking on the bottle became frantic again and I learned that too much multitasking is too much for my body to take. Between sucking the bottle, and the burning fire on my tits, and the tightest clenching I've ever given my cunt, it was sensory and concentration overload. Something had to give and I knew it was going to be my bladder. And as soon as I thought it, it happened. I felt my groin flood with a warm wetness as I finished the bottle off and started sobbing uncontrollably.
"Awww I think somebody went peepee!" Kylie said in a baby talk voice. "Yep I see a yellow spot" Jake added and Daddy stroked my hair, saying "Good girl, you finished your bottle." I nodded, my eyes swollen and red from crying. All eyes were on me and I didn't care anymore, I nestled into Daddy as he stroked my hair and the warm wetness in my groin continued as my bladder emptied its contents within.
Daddy made small talk with Jake and Kylie for a little while longer. At some point, Daddy looked at the clock and said "Well I think its way past little girl's bedtime" and pinching his nose, he added "and I think she needs a change too." I buried my head into his shoulder to try to hide my continued embarrassment. Jake and Kylie smiled as they got up and both patted me on the head calling me a good girl. Daddy went with them to the door and when they'd left, he came over and held me tight. I sobbed into his arms again.
"There, there, princess. I'm proud of you. You took that punishment quite well and now you will get your reward." He said, picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom. He laid me on my back on the bed, with my head hanging off the side. He removed the duct tape from my mouth, and the nipple clamps, and said "Your cunt and ass are way too messy right now so your throat will have to do." Somewhere within the thick wet folds of the diaper, I felt my clit perk up and my pussy clench knowingly. As Daddy fucked my throat relentlessly I lost track of the mix of cum and piss in my diaper. All that mattered was pleasing Daddy.
When he had thoroughly used my throat and many of my own orgasms later, he held me close lying on the bed with him, wiping the tears and spit away from my face. I was an exhausted little girl and I fell asleep in his arms. Amongst his soft "good girl"s, he whispered something before I drifted off to sleep:
"Now remember next time to drink some water."
Like many things it started with alcohol. Daddy and I had been out with some friends, Jake and Kylie, for lunch and I found myself having have had way too much to drink. We pulled up to my apartment and Daddy immediately told me: "Make sure you drink a lot of water, princess. That was a lot of alcohol for a little girl to consume." I replied with "yes daddy" but it was a little slurred so it sounded more like "Yesh Dyadhee".
We went up to my apartment and cuddled on the couch while we watched an episode of television. Midway through the episode, Daddy reminded me to drink some water again and I affirmed him with a similar response but did not get up. A couple more times throughout the show, he reminded me again and I finally got up and filled a glass with water and sat back down. Daddy was so warm and cozy though that I set the glass down and forgot about it instantly.
When the tv episode was over, Daddy turned to me and sternly said: "Princess, I asked you three times to drink some water and you still have not done so. You know it's for your own good and yet you disobeyed me three times. For this, you will receive a punishment but first, I will have to hydrate you myself." His words sobered me up and I reached for the glass of water, hoping to help the situation by finally starting to drink some water but he grabbed my hand and said "No. It's too late for that. We will do it MY way now." I was suddenly afraid of what he could mean and yet the commanding tone of his voice made my pussy clench.
He took the glass from me and went to the cupboard and retrieved a 32 oz water bottle. He filled that full of water and handed it to me, saying "I'm going to the car to get some equipment. I better come back here to find you, in nothing but your panties, kneeling on the floor and this water bottle empty...and don't even think of emptying it into the sink because I will know and then your punishment will be ten times worse." I gasped and took it from him. What equipment could he possibly need?
I quickly stripped down and kneeled on the living room floor. I tried to down the water bottle all at once but about 2/3 way through it, I had to stop. While I waited for my stomach to shift enough for me to drink the rest of it, my mind was doing cartwheels wondering what Daddy had in store for me. It was unlike him to want to do anything in the bathroom and the only equipment we usually used was rope. I heard footsteps outside the door and quickly started downing the last little bit. As Daddy opened the door, I had just finished the water.
My relief at having finished in time was quickly cut short as I felt the rumbling of my tummy from all of that water. My bladder had already begun to go crazy because of the alcohol I had consumed but now I had just added more liquid. "Daddy can I use the toilet please before we start?" I asked. "No you may not, princess." he said with a smile, "you get no privileges right now, not even bathroom privileges." Oh God. What had I gotten myself into?
It was only then that I noticed that Daddy was holding his toy bag in one hand and a large plastic bag in the other; I couldn't see what was in the bag. He set both bags down and walked over to where I was kneeling, suddenly grabbing a fistful of my hair and forcing me to look up at him. "You may not like what I'm going to do to you but it's your own fault for not listening." He moved his other hand down into my panties to my cunt, which was already practically dripping from his words alone, laughed, and said "then again, maybe you will like it." I blushed profusely.
He let go of me long enough to open the toy bag and bring out some white rope. This type of thing I was familiar with although it was beginning to be hard to concentrate thanks to my bladder reminding me of the fact that I had consumed a lot of liquid and not yet been able to purge it. He also took out what looked like a prescription drug bottle from his pocket, popped one pill out into his hand and after refilling the 32oz bottle of water, instructed me to take the pill with some water.
Again, this was quite different than anything we normally did but I not only trusted Daddy with my heart but also my body so I obediently did as he asked and downed the pill with the smallest amount of water from the bottle I could manage. My stomach churned and my bladder continued to fight for my attention and I continued to try to ignore it and concentrate on what Daddy was doing.
He began tying me up using a chest harness and tying my calves to my thighs which ended up putting me into a basic frog tie. He also added a box tie to keep my arms behind my back. This was something else I was pretty familiar with and yet I found myself twitching and struggling slightly due to my bladder's continued imploring. I also realized that the tie kept my legs farther apart and the urgency of my bladder was turning into the urgency of my kegel muscles to hold everything back. This would not be good.
"Daddy I'm serious I really need to go to the bathroom. I don't know how much longer I can hold it." I whined trying but failing to turn around to look at him. I heard his response very softly and close to my ear: "That's the idea, princess. Just remember, the predicament you are in is your fault for not listening to me." My pussy unwillingly clenched and I let out a soft moan but then had to immediately turn my attention back to my kegels to hold back what already seemed like grand coolie dam just waiting to burst and Daddy just laughed as he straddled me from behind, his hips holding me down.
This position was also familiar but that would mean he planned to tickl--- my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sudden jab of his fingers on the sides of my ribs and I shrieked involuntarily, letting go of my urethral muscles for just a second before remembering what I was holding back. I felt a tiny bit of wetness in my panties but wasn't sure if some urine had escaped or if it was simply the natural wetness of my cunt. Either way I was already embarrassed. I struggled to catch my breath from just that one jab but he wasn't waiting for me to recover before he started tickling the sides of my ribs and up to my armpits.
I became a struggling mess of moans, shrieks, and pleading. "Daddy no! stop! I'm really going to go pee! You don't understand! I can't help it!" He did not however stop at all but instead responded very seriously "You BETTER NOT pee your panties little girl or I will be VERY ANGRY." I was suddenly very confused. Why did he not let me go to the bathroom before tying me up if he didn't want me to pee my panties in the first place? I didn't know but I couldn't continue thinking about it since my thoughts had to stay extremely focused on keeping back the raging river. A battle that was losing ground very quickly.
His tickling was relentless and it only got worse. Finally, I could hold back no longer and I screamed as my cunt spasmed uncontrollably while the flowing urine coated and soaked my panties. Tears came to my eyes in humiliation as the pressure from my bladder was finally released. Daddy stopped tickling me, stood up, crossed his arms, looking down at me with a frown.
"You really pissed your panties, little girl? You know only little girls piss their panties. That's why they're not allowed to wear big girl panties. Maybe you need to wear what little girls wear." He chided at me. I looked up at him, tears rolling down my cheeks, pleading eyes praying he wasn't serious. What I saw when I looked up was Daddy holding an adult diaper. My eyes grew wide in disbelief. He couldn't be serious? Would my humiliation ever end? And yet his mocking words and the humiliation of it all made my pussy clench in anticipation. What was wrong with me? I didn't want this!
Daddy kneeled down and untied my legs and let me stretch them out while he went and got a towel and some carpet cleaner. After removing my soaking panties and discarding them, he laid the diaper down and rolled me onto my back, scooting my bum down into place. He wiped my cunt and ass off with a baby wipe and grabbed a bottle of baby powder nearby and covered my cunt in powder. Then he pulled the front of the diaper up and taped the back to the front, enclosing it upon my crotch.
"There you go, little girl. All safe and sound now, you don't have to worry about making another mess now." My face turned very red and I whimpered and yet my clitoris perked up causing me to turn another shade of red. He untied my arms as well and told me to "clean up my mess". I vigorously scrubbed at the spot on the carpet on my hands and knees while he stood by and watched. "You know, little girl, your diaper gives your butt an extra cute wiggle when you do that." he smiled and I whimpered some more, stopping to look up at him with the best pout I could manage.
He simply laughed and said "Such a cute little girl. Hurry up and finish cleaning up the mess you made. I have more plans for you still." More plans? What? Wasn't this bad enough? Being forced into a diaper after being forced to piss myself silly? The fear and dread swept down my chest turning into arrousal as it descended to my groin. I reminded myself that Daddy owned me. He could do whatever he wanted to me whether I liked it or not. That thought only made my cunt burn hotter.
When I finished cleaning the carpet, I sat back up to find him holding the 32oz bottle of water again but screwed onto the top of it, was a baby bottle nipple. My eyes went wide as he set it down and ordered me to sit on the couch. As he tied my legs crossed legged and began duct taping my hands into fisted mittens, I pondered if he really expected me to drink more water. I had already soiled my panties, he didn't expect me to actually use the diaper too, did he???
Then he took the oversized baby bottle and proceeded in taping both of my hands to either side of it. "This is so little girl doesn't drop her bottle and make more of a mess. I know how little girls have a hard time gripping big bottles." he chided. Then taking a strip of duct tape, he cut a slit in it and placed it over my mouth. "This is so you be quiet like a good girl but are still able to drink your bottle." he said. A muffled whine escaped my covered lips. I wondered when the humiliation would end.
Just then, the doorbell rang. I swear my heart stopped. "Oh yes, little girl, I forgot to mention that I invited Jake and Kylie to come by and watch a movie with us. We had such a good time at lunch, I figured we could enjoy more time with them today. What do you think?" Daddy said, smirking. "Mmmf mmf mmfh" I managed to stutter in protest and he shushed me with a finger to my lips. "Just say 'yes daddy' like a good girl" he said. My lips quivering and tears beginning to form in my eyes, I mumbled "mmm mmm-mmm." The door bell rang again and he said "Good girl." as he got up and answered the door.
Jake and Kylie were good friends of ours and they were some of the few friends that knew about and understood our lifestyle without judging. In fact, I think in a lot of ways they were curious. And curious was definitely how I'd describe the looks on their faces as they were welcomed inside and immediately caught glimpses of me on the couch. How would most people react to finding a grown woman stark naked except for a diaper, tied up on the couch, hands taped up to a huge baby bottle, and her mouth taped mostly shut? Well I have to admit I was hoping they'd react by running away but I knew that I was not going to be so lucky.
"Well what have we here?" Jake said as he walked into the room, closer to me. "Was the little girl naughty?" he asked Daddy who replied with "Yes, very naughty. She pissed her big girl panties and made a mess on the carpet after disobeying me by not drinking any water." Kylie walked up to meet Jake, not able to take her eyes off me. "Awwww isn't the wittle girl so cute all tied up in her diedy with her bawtle!" she said to me smiling. I whimpered as more tears fell down my cheeks. My whole body was sweating and hot and my groin was the source of all the heat. "Well now she can't make a mess anymore, isn't that right princess?" Daddy asked. I slowly nodded my head.
Daddy took their attention away from me momentarily to talk about the movie they all wanted to watch and I was left in peace for a few moments. During that short conversation, Kylie would occasionally look over at me and wave her fingers at me like I was a little baby and I tried desperately to blend in with the couch.
Finally after offering them both wine, Daddy motioned for them to sit on the loveseat while he put the movie in and sat next to me on the couch. Before he started the movie, however, he told me loud enough for Jake and Kylie to hear "Ok little girl. I better see that bottle half gone before the previews are done playing. And it better be fully gone before the movie ends or you'll be in even more trouble." he said with a look on his face that meant he was very serious. I whimpered in shame. He really was going to make me soil the dreaded diaper. "And you should probably already be feeling more pressure about now anyway because that pill I gave you earlier was a diarrhetic" he said with a grin.
I had never wished for something so much in my life than to wish he was wrong but as if on cue, my bladder began to nag again. What was I going to do? Daddy wanted me to soil myself in this diaper like a helpless little girl, in front of our friends! I couldn't do this, my whole body ached with dread and I couldn't help but squirm, trying to think of some way out of this situation. But there was none.
"The previews are almost over, hunbun." Daddy said, bringing me back to reality. Alarmed that I had wasted precious time, I swung my arms up to my mouth to try to get the bottle in but failed, I couldn't quite get it in! "Does little girl need help getting her bottle into her mouth?" Kylie asked mockingly. I shamefully and tearfully nodded and she leaned over and helped open the slit in the duct tape slightly while raising my bottle (and arms with it) to my lips. She smiled at me as I started to suck the water through the bottle's nipple.
My shame was already at it's peak, only to find that the current preview was almost over and I had barely gotten any of the water down! I sucked relentlessly at the nipple , trying to get the water to come faster, all the while my bladder was protesting and I clamped my urethral muscles shut as tight as I could. Jake giggled at me and said "Wow little girl is thirsty, isn't she?" I ignored him as I tried to drink more water before the end of the preview but I wasn't going to make it. As the preview was ending, my sucking got louder and more frantic and all three of them were staring at me with the biggest grins on their faces.
The preview ended and to my relief, there was yet another preview. My whole body sighed, relieved. I was finally able to get enough of the water down before that preview finished that I could lower the bottle, breathe a little easier, and concentrate solely on clenching my cunt muscles. I could do this. I could make it through the movie without soiling the diaper. As if reading my thoughts, Daddy leaned over and produced some clover nipple clamps and after clipping one to one nipple, he strung the chain around the bottle and clipped the other end to the matching nipple. My nipples felt like they were two tiny specks of fire, burning and I hadn't even lifted the bottle back to my lips yet. This was not good.
The movie went on for what seemed like forever and I was thankful it was captivating enough to gather all of their attention, temporarily relieving me of at least some humiliation. Throughout the movie, I found myself fading off into a sort of subspace but the pain on my nipples and the burning need to relieve myself always brought me back to the present. Finally I realized I still had more to drink and the movie was almost over! I slowly lifted the bottle to my lips, wincing as the nipple clamps pulled taught by doing so. I could see Daddy watching me from the corner of his eye.
As the movie's ending music began to crescendo and the scene faded to the credits, my sucking on the bottle became frantic again and I learned that too much multitasking is too much for my body to take. Between sucking the bottle, and the burning fire on my tits, and the tightest clenching I've ever given my cunt, it was sensory and concentration overload. Something had to give and I knew it was going to be my bladder. And as soon as I thought it, it happened. I felt my groin flood with a warm wetness as I finished the bottle off and started sobbing uncontrollably.
"Awww I think somebody went peepee!" Kylie said in a baby talk voice. "Yep I see a yellow spot" Jake added and Daddy stroked my hair, saying "Good girl, you finished your bottle." I nodded, my eyes swollen and red from crying. All eyes were on me and I didn't care anymore, I nestled into Daddy as he stroked my hair and the warm wetness in my groin continued as my bladder emptied its contents within.
Daddy made small talk with Jake and Kylie for a little while longer. At some point, Daddy looked at the clock and said "Well I think its way past little girl's bedtime" and pinching his nose, he added "and I think she needs a change too." I buried my head into his shoulder to try to hide my continued embarrassment. Jake and Kylie smiled as they got up and both patted me on the head calling me a good girl. Daddy went with them to the door and when they'd left, he came over and held me tight. I sobbed into his arms again.
"There, there, princess. I'm proud of you. You took that punishment quite well and now you will get your reward." He said, picking me up and carrying me to the bedroom. He laid me on my back on the bed, with my head hanging off the side. He removed the duct tape from my mouth, and the nipple clamps, and said "Your cunt and ass are way too messy right now so your throat will have to do." Somewhere within the thick wet folds of the diaper, I felt my clit perk up and my pussy clench knowingly. As Daddy fucked my throat relentlessly I lost track of the mix of cum and piss in my diaper. All that mattered was pleasing Daddy.
When he had thoroughly used my throat and many of my own orgasms later, he held me close lying on the bed with him, wiping the tears and spit away from my face. I was an exhausted little girl and I fell asleep in his arms. Amongst his soft "good girl"s, he whispered something before I drifted off to sleep:
"Now remember next time to drink some water."
The blind girl and the patient man
So some of you have probably noticed due to my poetry and relationship changes on Fetlife that I have a new boyfriend/Daddy. My submissive journey has definitely taken a turn and really started to grow.
T and I met back in June at the Center for Sex Positive Culture at my first play party, Bondage is the Point. He was actually one of the first people to ever tie me up and we both had a wonderful time. At the time I was vigorously dating and he was in a polyamorous relationship and so it didn't really cross my mind that he may be a candidate for what I was looking for.
We continued to play off and on as the weeks went by and in August, we met up to have dinner, for the first time outside of the club. We debriefed about our latest scene and also got to know each other better in general. I was very up front with the fact that I had to be careful in how I let my emotions get attached because I could be a needy little girl sometimes and even nonsexual rope bondage can get quite intimate. When we went our separate ways that night, I was surprised to hear him say that he thought that he needed to guard his heart because he felt like he could definitely lose it. I remember starting to consider him in my heart as a possibility but August was a very busy month for him and he mentioned that he didn't have a lot of time for a new relationship due to circumstances with his family. So we continued playing only once or twice a month while I continued dating other men as well, searching for the boyfriend who I could also call Daddy.
In September, I lost my virginity to a one night stand and you could say that it 'loosened me up' a bit. I decided to approach dating a little more casually and maybe not worry about finding 'the perfect man' and give some guys a chance. I began dating one guy in particular (let's call him J) who was very concerned about not hurting me and so we tried to develop a friendship before we even entered into any real 'play' or sex. I was unsure about this at first but I have to admit that the Dom/Daddy attitude he had drew me in.
I think it was the September Bondage is the Point play party that we showed up to together and since J and I weren't playing together yet, I ended up playing with T...still non-sexually of course. I remember how worried T was about playing with me with my boyfriend sitting there watching. It was kind of cute. He even tried to include J in the scene a little bit. J and I went home that night feeling fine and yet I later found out that T was quite heartbroken. He surprised himself at how sad he felt that I was now 'taken'. It wasn't until a friend mentioned to him that 'maybe it wouldn't work out' that he realized there could still be hope. I seriously had no idea about any of this at the time.
Before we saw the end of September, J and I broke up. It wasn't really a sudden thing but began with another scene with T. J wasn't there this time and T ended up sucking my tits during the scene...which was all well and good for me but the blurry line of non-sexual and sexual felt slightly crossed and I felt guilty and had T stop. We both thought it was interesting that it wasn't because I had a problem with what he was doing but because I worried about what J would think. When I approached J with what had happened, he took that time to tell me that he was going to be going back to school again and would probably not have the time to spend with me that I needed. He went on to suggest that maybe T and I should get together because he felt like there may have been something between us anyway. I wasn't so sure about that but I did understand about J going back to school. I would be free again to date as I pleased and yet I felt so sad about it.
That's when I began my initiative to 'quit dating'. I decided I was going to pursue my passions and stop worrying so much about finding Mr. Right; maybe then he'd find me instead. I also decided to stop playing even non-sexually for a while. The 'kid in a candy store' mindset in regards to rope and bondage had kind of worn off and I didn't quite have the budget to keep it up. Needless to say, at the October Bondage is the Point party, I think T missed me since I couldn't make it. We still met up for cocoa/coffee and visited here and there though. We did end up going to another play party that month and this time when he played with my breasts more, I felt great about it. The scene ended with me bound, my head in his lap, licking his cock through his jeans while he talked dirty to me as if I was really giving him head. It was then that I knew I would be comfortable getting more sexual with T. After that scene, it was the first time I ever kissed him on the lips and I think he really took that to heart, knowing I had only been willing to kiss him on the cheek up until that point.
But it wasn't until the beginning of November that we had our first scene outside of the club. I was both wary and excited. It's one thing to have someone 'do things' to you in a public environment and quite another to have someone do so in your own home where nobody else is around. Even still, after our last scene, I had communicated to him that I definitely wanted to start getting more sexual with him in our play...maybe just giving him head to start with. I remember quite clearly that we had a nice scene that night and it was almost over and we hadn't really done anything sexual yet and I was actually feeling a little disappointed. He has been fairly wary about what new steps he takes with me, even now and I really respect him for that. I was blindfolded at the time and I heard him kind of sigh and say 'alright i guess we're going to try this' and then I heard him unzipping his jeans and taking them off. The next thing I knew, he was holding me by the hair and positioning his cock in front of my mouth where I gladly accepted it.
I love giving head and having a guy take control makes it so much better....then to also be tied up while it's happening just blew my mind...and apparently it blew his too. =) Afterward, we both ended up cuddling in my bed and talking and somewhere in the conversation he actually said the words: "I want to be your daddy" and my heart melted. We talked over the details a little bit and decided we would go slow and I also mentioned that I was still dating a couple other guys that had come along. He decided he'd get a smartphone that would allow him to better communicate with me via text. I started calling him Daddy and he started calling me princess. =)
That month we met up more often at my place and he'd even stay the night. At one point, I told him that I really liked him a lot but I wasn't feeling any romance between us....and it was a little confusing. He decided to take things to the next level and the next time we met up, he brought me roses and a card and what he wrote in the card made me cry, happy tears. We began going on dates. We dressed up, me in a dress, him in a suit, and went to the ballet. At some point, we started playing more at his house too. As November went by and then December arrived, we found ourselves growing ever closer to each other, romantically and sexually.
The other two guys I had been dating kind of dropped off the map and frankly, that was just fine with me because my heart already belonged to T. He accompanied me to a wedding and afterward, gave me a ring to signify our relationship. He called it a 'girlfriend ring'. I bawled while I hugged him tight.
We had a nice Thanksgiving and Christmas together and with my family and officially became 'monogamous' too. I won't go into too much of a description of my feelings for him and how amazed I am at who he is and how wonderful he is. The poetry I've written (and will probably continue to write) already tells that. =)
Our most recent adventure has been to start getting more into D/s. I'm finding that because I already love and trust him wholly with my heart that it's almost easy to trust him fully with my body and my freedom. It's still something we're working into slowly but I think we are both enjoying the vanilla dating aspects as well as the bdsm and sexual aspects of our relationship. We aren't afraid to talk about marriage or moving in together in the future and yet at the same time, we are just enjoying what we have now with each other, in the moment. In fact, we already started thinking up some 2012 goals that involve both of us.
I look back at how things fell into place and laugh. It's interesting how Daddy kind of waited patiently for things to happen while I was completely blind to his desires.
But I'm so glad we found each other Daddy. Happy new year to us. =)
T and I met back in June at the Center for Sex Positive Culture at my first play party, Bondage is the Point. He was actually one of the first people to ever tie me up and we both had a wonderful time. At the time I was vigorously dating and he was in a polyamorous relationship and so it didn't really cross my mind that he may be a candidate for what I was looking for.
We continued to play off and on as the weeks went by and in August, we met up to have dinner, for the first time outside of the club. We debriefed about our latest scene and also got to know each other better in general. I was very up front with the fact that I had to be careful in how I let my emotions get attached because I could be a needy little girl sometimes and even nonsexual rope bondage can get quite intimate. When we went our separate ways that night, I was surprised to hear him say that he thought that he needed to guard his heart because he felt like he could definitely lose it. I remember starting to consider him in my heart as a possibility but August was a very busy month for him and he mentioned that he didn't have a lot of time for a new relationship due to circumstances with his family. So we continued playing only once or twice a month while I continued dating other men as well, searching for the boyfriend who I could also call Daddy.
In September, I lost my virginity to a one night stand and you could say that it 'loosened me up' a bit. I decided to approach dating a little more casually and maybe not worry about finding 'the perfect man' and give some guys a chance. I began dating one guy in particular (let's call him J) who was very concerned about not hurting me and so we tried to develop a friendship before we even entered into any real 'play' or sex. I was unsure about this at first but I have to admit that the Dom/Daddy attitude he had drew me in.
I think it was the September Bondage is the Point play party that we showed up to together and since J and I weren't playing together yet, I ended up playing with T...still non-sexually of course. I remember how worried T was about playing with me with my boyfriend sitting there watching. It was kind of cute. He even tried to include J in the scene a little bit. J and I went home that night feeling fine and yet I later found out that T was quite heartbroken. He surprised himself at how sad he felt that I was now 'taken'. It wasn't until a friend mentioned to him that 'maybe it wouldn't work out' that he realized there could still be hope. I seriously had no idea about any of this at the time.
Before we saw the end of September, J and I broke up. It wasn't really a sudden thing but began with another scene with T. J wasn't there this time and T ended up sucking my tits during the scene...which was all well and good for me but the blurry line of non-sexual and sexual felt slightly crossed and I felt guilty and had T stop. We both thought it was interesting that it wasn't because I had a problem with what he was doing but because I worried about what J would think. When I approached J with what had happened, he took that time to tell me that he was going to be going back to school again and would probably not have the time to spend with me that I needed. He went on to suggest that maybe T and I should get together because he felt like there may have been something between us anyway. I wasn't so sure about that but I did understand about J going back to school. I would be free again to date as I pleased and yet I felt so sad about it.
That's when I began my initiative to 'quit dating'. I decided I was going to pursue my passions and stop worrying so much about finding Mr. Right; maybe then he'd find me instead. I also decided to stop playing even non-sexually for a while. The 'kid in a candy store' mindset in regards to rope and bondage had kind of worn off and I didn't quite have the budget to keep it up. Needless to say, at the October Bondage is the Point party, I think T missed me since I couldn't make it. We still met up for cocoa/coffee and visited here and there though. We did end up going to another play party that month and this time when he played with my breasts more, I felt great about it. The scene ended with me bound, my head in his lap, licking his cock through his jeans while he talked dirty to me as if I was really giving him head. It was then that I knew I would be comfortable getting more sexual with T. After that scene, it was the first time I ever kissed him on the lips and I think he really took that to heart, knowing I had only been willing to kiss him on the cheek up until that point.
But it wasn't until the beginning of November that we had our first scene outside of the club. I was both wary and excited. It's one thing to have someone 'do things' to you in a public environment and quite another to have someone do so in your own home where nobody else is around. Even still, after our last scene, I had communicated to him that I definitely wanted to start getting more sexual with him in our play...maybe just giving him head to start with. I remember quite clearly that we had a nice scene that night and it was almost over and we hadn't really done anything sexual yet and I was actually feeling a little disappointed. He has been fairly wary about what new steps he takes with me, even now and I really respect him for that. I was blindfolded at the time and I heard him kind of sigh and say 'alright i guess we're going to try this' and then I heard him unzipping his jeans and taking them off. The next thing I knew, he was holding me by the hair and positioning his cock in front of my mouth where I gladly accepted it.
I love giving head and having a guy take control makes it so much better....then to also be tied up while it's happening just blew my mind...and apparently it blew his too. =) Afterward, we both ended up cuddling in my bed and talking and somewhere in the conversation he actually said the words: "I want to be your daddy" and my heart melted. We talked over the details a little bit and decided we would go slow and I also mentioned that I was still dating a couple other guys that had come along. He decided he'd get a smartphone that would allow him to better communicate with me via text. I started calling him Daddy and he started calling me princess. =)
That month we met up more often at my place and he'd even stay the night. At one point, I told him that I really liked him a lot but I wasn't feeling any romance between us....and it was a little confusing. He decided to take things to the next level and the next time we met up, he brought me roses and a card and what he wrote in the card made me cry, happy tears. We began going on dates. We dressed up, me in a dress, him in a suit, and went to the ballet. At some point, we started playing more at his house too. As November went by and then December arrived, we found ourselves growing ever closer to each other, romantically and sexually.
The other two guys I had been dating kind of dropped off the map and frankly, that was just fine with me because my heart already belonged to T. He accompanied me to a wedding and afterward, gave me a ring to signify our relationship. He called it a 'girlfriend ring'. I bawled while I hugged him tight.
We had a nice Thanksgiving and Christmas together and with my family and officially became 'monogamous' too. I won't go into too much of a description of my feelings for him and how amazed I am at who he is and how wonderful he is. The poetry I've written (and will probably continue to write) already tells that. =)
Our most recent adventure has been to start getting more into D/s. I'm finding that because I already love and trust him wholly with my heart that it's almost easy to trust him fully with my body and my freedom. It's still something we're working into slowly but I think we are both enjoying the vanilla dating aspects as well as the bdsm and sexual aspects of our relationship. We aren't afraid to talk about marriage or moving in together in the future and yet at the same time, we are just enjoying what we have now with each other, in the moment. In fact, we already started thinking up some 2012 goals that involve both of us.
I look back at how things fell into place and laugh. It's interesting how Daddy kind of waited patiently for things to happen while I was completely blind to his desires.
But I'm so glad we found each other Daddy. Happy new year to us. =)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Piece of my Heart
He speaks softly, whispering with intensity
selective desires overlapping with my own
his fluid motions display skill and experience
confident bonds with cautious undertones.
He hesitates slightly, enjoying the moment
an open mind filled with understanding
his wisdom has already proven its worth
passionate exertion meets excitable manner.
He gives freely, an honest communication
with sociable and friendly interactions;
his affectionate demeanor alights my heart
as happy rain drops are wiped away.
He treats me rightly, romantic intentions
incipient lady of his own heart
his handsome smile can make me blush
with muscles that make me shiver.
He cuddles softly with teddy bear talent
one of the services he loves to provide
his imminent laughter shows sense of humor
accessible easily without someone's expense.
I've known him as 'friend' for a many few months
someone to share with and to have fun
but the closer we get, each day that goes by
he owns another piece of my heart.
selective desires overlapping with my own
his fluid motions display skill and experience
confident bonds with cautious undertones.
He hesitates slightly, enjoying the moment
an open mind filled with understanding
his wisdom has already proven its worth
passionate exertion meets excitable manner.
He gives freely, an honest communication
with sociable and friendly interactions;
his affectionate demeanor alights my heart
as happy rain drops are wiped away.
He treats me rightly, romantic intentions
incipient lady of his own heart
his handsome smile can make me blush
with muscles that make me shiver.
He cuddles softly with teddy bear talent
one of the services he loves to provide
his imminent laughter shows sense of humor
accessible easily without someone's expense.
I've known him as 'friend' for a many few months
someone to share with and to have fun
but the closer we get, each day that goes by
he owns another piece of my heart.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Eager Needy Struggles
As I mentioned in a previous note, I am under consideration by someone and we are taking things pretty slow. I wrote the last note trying to express my desperation and worry about what he might have planned for me involving "behavior modification". We talked about it over the phone that night and by his actions and his words, he reminded me that I could trust him and that he had my best interests at heart.
Anyway, he's been giving me assignments, mostly involving understanding and recognizing when actual abuse occurs. He's made it very clear that he doesn't want to abuse me in any way and wants me to understand the difference between living in a loving D/s relationship (where we often use the words 'used and abused') and real actual unwanted abuse. I more than appreciate this sentiment and frankly it's both wonderful and yet confusing to try to understand how equality and D/s work together in such a relationship.
All of that being said, we've been taking things extremely slow. He wants to wait 90 days until we have sex. He wants to get to know me better as a person and make sure that this relationship is built on a strong foundation of friendship. It also allows for us to see clearly whether we will work together or not. I have to say I really admire him for that and I feel very grateful but I've also been struggling with how extremely slow things are going.
In 3 weeks, we've been on a lot of different dates involving the movies, cocoa, the park, hanging out at my place, talking by the waterfront at sunset, etc. There's been some snuggling, cuddling, kissing, and hugging. He even spanked me once but later said that he stopped because he was getting too turned on.
And yet I feel very eager. I'm eager to get to know him better. I'm eager to be intimate with him in more ways than one. I'm eager to play with him in a scene. I'm eager to be trained in many ways. I'm eager for many things as a submissive babygirl brand new to the lifestyle. And frankly it's not really about sex. Sure I'd like to have sex but I am definitely ok with waiting for that. The problem I think is that so many things are tied to the possibility of having sex.
For example, I would love to hang out on the couch and just make out. Maybe we could eventually work into second base or what I like to call 'boob love'. Maybe at some point oral sex would come into play. Or more on the D/s side of things,spanking or bondage or any other kind of scene. All of those involve getting a little more physical and getting to know each other better in more than just mere words.
I think part of it is also that my major love language is Physical Touch. I feel loved and cared for by touch, in fact I crave it. Not from just anyone mind you, but someone special. I know he's interested and I know he cares for me in some way but I guess my body still needs to experience it in some of the ways I've outlined above.
It's confusing for me because I'm bombarded by these needs and yet his logic rings true too; getting to know each other first is wise. Also I'm not giving into any cognitive distortions that would tell me that his lack of physical advances means he doesn't want me because I know that's not true. I guess I'm just hoping for some sort of less extreme solution; somewhere we can meet in the middle.
While I'm on the subject, this has started to shed some light on my neediness. Over the past couple weeks, we've mostly spent time together on the weekends because we both have busy lives during the week. That plus the fact that we don't quite seem to be able to connect over electronic mediums the way we do in person can make for a hard week. I am pretty independent and I am always busy but I'm also used to being able to connect with whoever I'm dating when not in person and that just doesn't seem to work in this situation. I can only see it getting harder to connect and make time for each other as he enters into his final year of pre-law while trying to work part time.
So I guess we'll see how things go. I'm trying to be patient yet communicative and open.
Anyway, he's been giving me assignments, mostly involving understanding and recognizing when actual abuse occurs. He's made it very clear that he doesn't want to abuse me in any way and wants me to understand the difference between living in a loving D/s relationship (where we often use the words 'used and abused') and real actual unwanted abuse. I more than appreciate this sentiment and frankly it's both wonderful and yet confusing to try to understand how equality and D/s work together in such a relationship.
All of that being said, we've been taking things extremely slow. He wants to wait 90 days until we have sex. He wants to get to know me better as a person and make sure that this relationship is built on a strong foundation of friendship. It also allows for us to see clearly whether we will work together or not. I have to say I really admire him for that and I feel very grateful but I've also been struggling with how extremely slow things are going.
In 3 weeks, we've been on a lot of different dates involving the movies, cocoa, the park, hanging out at my place, talking by the waterfront at sunset, etc. There's been some snuggling, cuddling, kissing, and hugging. He even spanked me once but later said that he stopped because he was getting too turned on.
And yet I feel very eager. I'm eager to get to know him better. I'm eager to be intimate with him in more ways than one. I'm eager to play with him in a scene. I'm eager to be trained in many ways. I'm eager for many things as a submissive babygirl brand new to the lifestyle. And frankly it's not really about sex. Sure I'd like to have sex but I am definitely ok with waiting for that. The problem I think is that so many things are tied to the possibility of having sex.
For example, I would love to hang out on the couch and just make out. Maybe we could eventually work into second base or what I like to call 'boob love'. Maybe at some point oral sex would come into play. Or more on the D/s side of things,spanking or bondage or any other kind of scene. All of those involve getting a little more physical and getting to know each other better in more than just mere words.
I think part of it is also that my major love language is Physical Touch. I feel loved and cared for by touch, in fact I crave it. Not from just anyone mind you, but someone special. I know he's interested and I know he cares for me in some way but I guess my body still needs to experience it in some of the ways I've outlined above.
It's confusing for me because I'm bombarded by these needs and yet his logic rings true too; getting to know each other first is wise. Also I'm not giving into any cognitive distortions that would tell me that his lack of physical advances means he doesn't want me because I know that's not true. I guess I'm just hoping for some sort of less extreme solution; somewhere we can meet in the middle.
While I'm on the subject, this has started to shed some light on my neediness. Over the past couple weeks, we've mostly spent time together on the weekends because we both have busy lives during the week. That plus the fact that we don't quite seem to be able to connect over electronic mediums the way we do in person can make for a hard week. I am pretty independent and I am always busy but I'm also used to being able to connect with whoever I'm dating when not in person and that just doesn't seem to work in this situation. I can only see it getting harder to connect and make time for each other as he enters into his final year of pre-law while trying to work part time.
So I guess we'll see how things go. I'm trying to be patient yet communicative and open.
Monday, September 5, 2011
The knot in my stomach
I've recently been under consideration of a dominant man. We've been trying to take it slow but over the last two weekends, we've spent a lot of time together. I've communicated when I've felt good about how things are as well as when I had concerns and he's handled that communication in a very understanding way.
As a person, he seems both experienced and educated while not being too quick to react to things but instead thinking them through. Even though he seems to find me intensely attractive, he hasn't acted on those desires yet and instead has proven that he is genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person first. I've pleasantly watched his demeanor when meeting some of my friends in the lifestyle and liked seeing that he was very personable and welcoming.
As of yet, we have not played in a scene but I have still enjoyed some little interactions with him: when he randomly pinches me to make me squeal or squirm, grabbing my hair and pulling me to him, or grabbing me and pulling me back down when I try to leave the bed before he says I can. Most surprising to me, the few times he has very seriously demanded I not argue or interrupt him, I have reacted positively and respectfully. I think I may actually be reaching a part of me that enjoys 'being put in my place'.
So when he says "I want to talk to you about some more behavior modifications", why do I suddenly feel so defensive and closed off? And why do I feel so worried or upset about what he could be wanting to modify? Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to get a feel for where I fit in the midst of things and then I feel like I'm questioning everything all over again. Why can't I just let that roll off my shoulders and remember that if something doesn't sit well with me, I still have a choice? Or even more importantly, that maybe this life isn't for me? Why can't the knot in my stomach remember all of that?
As a person, he seems both experienced and educated while not being too quick to react to things but instead thinking them through. Even though he seems to find me intensely attractive, he hasn't acted on those desires yet and instead has proven that he is genuinely interested in getting to know me as a person first. I've pleasantly watched his demeanor when meeting some of my friends in the lifestyle and liked seeing that he was very personable and welcoming.
As of yet, we have not played in a scene but I have still enjoyed some little interactions with him: when he randomly pinches me to make me squeal or squirm, grabbing my hair and pulling me to him, or grabbing me and pulling me back down when I try to leave the bed before he says I can. Most surprising to me, the few times he has very seriously demanded I not argue or interrupt him, I have reacted positively and respectfully. I think I may actually be reaching a part of me that enjoys 'being put in my place'.
So when he says "I want to talk to you about some more behavior modifications", why do I suddenly feel so defensive and closed off? And why do I feel so worried or upset about what he could be wanting to modify? Sometimes I feel like I'm starting to get a feel for where I fit in the midst of things and then I feel like I'm questioning everything all over again. Why can't I just let that roll off my shoulders and remember that if something doesn't sit well with me, I still have a choice? Or even more importantly, that maybe this life isn't for me? Why can't the knot in my stomach remember all of that?
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Understanding Discipline
"We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment." -Jim RohnDiscipline
When I started blogging about this journey, I began reading the blogs of other submissive women as well. I've seen a plethora of 24x7, D/s, Master/slave, and even other mixes of the dynamics in between. I've beared witness to punishments, heard instances of spanking for pleasure, even to the point of orgasm, and read about rules that many live under.
It was actually a fictional story by one of the bloggers I read that caught my attention more than anything. In the story, the woman is considering becoming a certain man's submissive/slave and he asks her what things in her life she wishes she could accomplish but never gets around to. She's of course embarrassed about it but admits to all kinds of things she just doesn't make time for from body image to passions in life.
Reading about that completely struck me. Aren't there things in my own life that I just get lazy about but I really do want for myself? Of course! And I made a list:
* Having a flat tummyThose are just the most obvious ones but I'm sure there are more. So why don't I do those? Why can't I bring myself to accomplish or adhere to those things? I think it's merely a lack of motivation and willpower. So in a D/s relationship, it can be putting the motivation and willpower in the hands of the dominant where the submissive may lack those qualities.
* Getting enough sleep
* Keep my apartment clean
* Not texting and driving
Rules
With that in mind, I came up with some rules that I am curious about as an example:
Constructive Rules:Once I understood about discipline itself, I began to ponder how realistic it would be to keep to any of these rules. Some would say that's where punishment comes into the picture. Yet I've heard others argue that wanting to please a dominant should be motivation enough.
* having a bedtime
* getting up with enough time to get ready
* doing laundry right away, not letting it sit for days
* clean apartment/bathrooms semi-weekly
* keep bills/statements filed away instead of stacked around
* some kind of workout regimen required
Playful rules (some of which may have a temporary duration)
* asking permission to use the restroom
* asking permission to come and/or masturbate
* having my underwear picked out for me
* always wearing a collar/necklace/anklet (stealth)
* wearing buttplugs under clothes
* wearing no panties under clothes
Punishment
In my journey so far, I've mostly experienced what it's like to be a bottom for a scene. It's all been pretty light hearted, playful, and short. Thus I have only experienced impact play in a consensual atmosphere, not in any form of actual punishment. In fact, every time I try to imagine really being punished physically, it takes me back to when I was a child and my dad spanked me when I did something wrong. Part of me likes that feeling, being put in my place, especially as a little girl, and yet the "independent adult" part of me severely fights any such ideas, knowing full well that by government law, I do not need to submit to any authority in such a manner.And yet it still amazes me that even part of me wants it. That even a part of me wants to be put in my place, to submit to an intimate authority figure, to give up actual rights....not just for play or for sex but for the betterment of myself and for love of the other person. And that segways into my next thought. I can't see trying to make this kind of discipline and/or punishment work with someone I don't feel very intimately involved with. I mean if I do something wrong and it's a brand new relationship, will I still submit to a punishment? I have to admit that I'd be less likely to do so without that intimate bond and trust already in place. Of course the alternative is walking away but again if it's early on, what really has been lost in doing so?
I speak of course of my own thoughts and how I think it might work for me and that in no way says this is how it works for anyone else. But I suspect many may relate.
I want to conclude this post by acknowledging the quote I put at the top of the post. It's a quote I happened upon when I was looking for quotes about regret and yet it really fit with my thoughts on discipline. In life, whether it's bdsm, D/s, or vanilla....relationships, work, or free time, it really rings true: either we experience discipline or we experience regret. I don't know if I'll ever find the right man for the amount of trust and patience I feel would be needed for this type of dynamic but if I do, it will be an interesting exploration.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Helplessness: Sexual yet Soulful
A lot of D/s and M/s topics and issues have been going through my head lately. I am hoping to expand upon them as I ponder them and research them in future blog posts but in the meantime, they've brought up another issue. I started exploring kink with the idea that it was something sexual to add to a relationship. That's what it would be for me. Something only in the bedroom.
I've experimented enough to know that my kink is helplessness. Pain alone won't do it for me and sensual touching and other things alone will merely make me uncomfortable (outside of a close relationship). You know how they say "just add water?" Well for me, it's: Just add bondage. Then suddenly pain becomes interesting to me and sensual touching even with strangers is suddenly ok because I am helpless to stop it.
Of course am I really helpless? I mean I submit myself to the situation or scene at hand and I can exit it with merely a word if I feel the need. And yet instead, I relish in that powerless feeling for as long as I can. It seems to fill up a part of myself that has never been filled before.
That feeling, that need, that desire in my soul, the feeling that is temporarily filled whenever I do a scene and yet the same feeling that feels empty when I'm in sub drop, is surprisingly not sexual.
Therefore, how can I continue to say that it is "Just in the Bedroom"? By my own logic, there is something more there than sexual desire and turn-ons.
Thoughts of submission outside of the bedroom both intrigue, excite, and yet horrify me as well. There's a part of me that finds release in a submissive role and yet the other part of me constantly claws away at any such ideas with gnashing of teeth. Part of me doesn't want to give up such control.
A friend told me recently that it's something I will just have to experience to find out for sure if any portion of that lifestyle is really for me and I suppose I agree. I just haven't met the right person to experience that with yet. And once I do meet that someone, it will take time for trust to build and trial and error to see what does and doesn't work.
I've experimented enough to know that my kink is helplessness. Pain alone won't do it for me and sensual touching and other things alone will merely make me uncomfortable (outside of a close relationship). You know how they say "just add water?" Well for me, it's: Just add bondage. Then suddenly pain becomes interesting to me and sensual touching even with strangers is suddenly ok because I am helpless to stop it.
Of course am I really helpless? I mean I submit myself to the situation or scene at hand and I can exit it with merely a word if I feel the need. And yet instead, I relish in that powerless feeling for as long as I can. It seems to fill up a part of myself that has never been filled before.
That feeling, that need, that desire in my soul, the feeling that is temporarily filled whenever I do a scene and yet the same feeling that feels empty when I'm in sub drop, is surprisingly not sexual.
Therefore, how can I continue to say that it is "Just in the Bedroom"? By my own logic, there is something more there than sexual desire and turn-ons.
Thoughts of submission outside of the bedroom both intrigue, excite, and yet horrify me as well. There's a part of me that finds release in a submissive role and yet the other part of me constantly claws away at any such ideas with gnashing of teeth. Part of me doesn't want to give up such control.
A friend told me recently that it's something I will just have to experience to find out for sure if any portion of that lifestyle is really for me and I suppose I agree. I just haven't met the right person to experience that with yet. And once I do meet that someone, it will take time for trust to build and trial and error to see what does and doesn't work.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sunday's Rope Events
I wasn't sure if I was going to write about this experience or not. Really, there isn't too much to tell but it's still worth mentioning.
Sunday, I attended the Rope Enthusiasts Group at the Center. it was my second time to that event and so I felt fairly comfortable and I wore my new "Rope Slut" tank top. That alone was exciting. =) I arrived and greeted a few folks that I had met at previous events. I also met some new people that I had only spoken with online before that. One of the girls there asked me if I'd be willing to bottom for her and her partner as he showed her how to tie a box tie. I of course readily obliged.
That itself actually took probably around 20 or 30 minutes because she re did it a few times and had him do it the first time as well. I didn't mind at all though. =) After that, I ended up socializing a bunch but for some reason I felt a shy streak. There were lots of people around, many getting tied up but many were not and yet I couldn't walk up to any of them and ask if they needed a rope bottom for anything? It was kind of odd.
I suppose I worry that if I continue to be so extra-willing to be tied up and very verbal about it (online and at events) that maybe people will decide I'm merely a "whiner" or "needy" or something. I really don't want to give off that impression at all.
And so, I ended up conversing with people and I didn't end up getting tied up again. My friend, P got tied up a few times though and she was flying high. When REG ended, and we headed out, I was at an all time low. I felt disappointed with myself for not being more aggressive and it caused feelings of melancholy and despondency.
I knew we were going to another rope event later that day but I couldn't quite bring myself out of that depressed cloud of anguish. We went to lunch and I was able to talk some to get my mind on other things such that by the time we got to Wild At Heart for Suspended Animation's "How to tie" class, I was feeling a little better.
We walked in and a guy passed out rope to all of us. At first, I declined and said I was P's bottom for this event and he said that everyone should have a piece of rope anyway. I reluctantly took one and we all sat down shortly after that.
One of the rope tops presenting had helped tie me up at my first play party, Bondage is the Point and P had also mentioned to him at some point that I was willing to stunt bottom for this class if it was needed. So both Rope tops approached me before the class actually started and asked if I'd like to volunteer periodically throughout the class and that it would probably involve some "D/s, like hair pulling". My heart skipped a beat and I smiled and said "of course!" =)
So they started talking and showing us a few different ways to tie certain body parts or objects. They showed us 1 column ties, 2 column ties as well as a tie that could be used on an object that wasn't a body part (like tying a wrist to a bedpost). I was surprised to find that I could do all of these fairly easily. I did it on myself some and on P some but she eventually started tying me in places.At one point she had one of my ankles tied to one chair and another to another chair and then the guy next to me tied my wrists to another chair. Weeee that was fun. =)
The first time they wanted me to come up front to volunteer, they merely tied my wrists together in front of me. He had me hold my wrists about a fist apart and so they werent very tight at first. Then he started frapping and they got tighter and I immediately felt more secure. The top commented to the class that as soon as he started frapping, he felt my body temperature rise. Wow he could read me like a book.
He untied me and had me sit down and everyone was trying ties here and there an they were going around to everyone to help them. P wanted to tie me more and I let her mostly but I found myself worried that they'd need me to volunteer again and yet I wouldn't be ready so they'd pick someone else! Lol, I'm such a freak sometimes. Here was P trying to tie me up and I wanted to make sure I was available to be tied in front of the class. I suppose there's a bit of my exhibition streak right there. ;)
Finally it came time for me to volunteer again up front and this time, he tied my wrists behind me. I felt much more restrained and secure and peaceful and I knew something more was going to happen this time. The next few minutes are kind of a blur. I think he took me by the hair and lowered me to my knees carefully where he tied my ankles to my thighs. He made various comments about how I was "settling in" to that headspace and about my body temperature rising again. He took me by the hair again and pushed me to my knees such that only my knees were touching the ground (ankles tied to my thighs) and he was only or mostly holding me by my hair.
It was a little of a balancing act but I was partially lost in the moment. He held my hair very tight, tighter than it's ever been held/pulled. I was facing the class and yet I saw none of them....I was in my own headspace at that moment in time. And it felt so peaceful, secure, mellow. This is what I had wanted to feel that day and why I had been so depressed that REG had not panned out for me.
I still surprise myself that when I'm in moments like that...the feelings are not at all sexual. I've equated it with a different feeling, a need of the soul. And yet hours or days later, I'll think back to that moment in time at what was happening to me and become extremely turned on. And I may or may not daydream about things that didn't happen *cough* but um yeah.
He then carefully let me lay on the floor and he untied my legs and then they demonstrated what to do when a sub was struggling and you had to get her out of the ropes fast. So I mock-struggled a bunch, face down with my hands still tied behind my back and one of the tops talked about how you don't want to use a knife because this weird red stuff can appear and get everywhere and we all laughed. He showed us some scissors/shears that were good for getting rope off fast in like an emergency or something.
They finally untied my wrists and I was free again and I still felt good. Often when someone unties me, I feel sad or down but if I've been in it long enough and/or the situation has been intense enough, I end up on a high and happy as can be. And that's how I was for the rest of the day.
So the day started out not so great but ended awfully nice. =)
Sunday, I attended the Rope Enthusiasts Group at the Center. it was my second time to that event and so I felt fairly comfortable and I wore my new "Rope Slut" tank top. That alone was exciting. =) I arrived and greeted a few folks that I had met at previous events. I also met some new people that I had only spoken with online before that. One of the girls there asked me if I'd be willing to bottom for her and her partner as he showed her how to tie a box tie. I of course readily obliged.
That itself actually took probably around 20 or 30 minutes because she re did it a few times and had him do it the first time as well. I didn't mind at all though. =) After that, I ended up socializing a bunch but for some reason I felt a shy streak. There were lots of people around, many getting tied up but many were not and yet I couldn't walk up to any of them and ask if they needed a rope bottom for anything? It was kind of odd.
I suppose I worry that if I continue to be so extra-willing to be tied up and very verbal about it (online and at events) that maybe people will decide I'm merely a "whiner" or "needy" or something. I really don't want to give off that impression at all.
And so, I ended up conversing with people and I didn't end up getting tied up again. My friend, P got tied up a few times though and she was flying high. When REG ended, and we headed out, I was at an all time low. I felt disappointed with myself for not being more aggressive and it caused feelings of melancholy and despondency.
I knew we were going to another rope event later that day but I couldn't quite bring myself out of that depressed cloud of anguish. We went to lunch and I was able to talk some to get my mind on other things such that by the time we got to Wild At Heart for Suspended Animation's "How to tie" class, I was feeling a little better.
We walked in and a guy passed out rope to all of us. At first, I declined and said I was P's bottom for this event and he said that everyone should have a piece of rope anyway. I reluctantly took one and we all sat down shortly after that.
One of the rope tops presenting had helped tie me up at my first play party, Bondage is the Point and P had also mentioned to him at some point that I was willing to stunt bottom for this class if it was needed. So both Rope tops approached me before the class actually started and asked if I'd like to volunteer periodically throughout the class and that it would probably involve some "D/s, like hair pulling". My heart skipped a beat and I smiled and said "of course!" =)
So they started talking and showing us a few different ways to tie certain body parts or objects. They showed us 1 column ties, 2 column ties as well as a tie that could be used on an object that wasn't a body part (like tying a wrist to a bedpost). I was surprised to find that I could do all of these fairly easily. I did it on myself some and on P some but she eventually started tying me in places.At one point she had one of my ankles tied to one chair and another to another chair and then the guy next to me tied my wrists to another chair. Weeee that was fun. =)
The first time they wanted me to come up front to volunteer, they merely tied my wrists together in front of me. He had me hold my wrists about a fist apart and so they werent very tight at first. Then he started frapping and they got tighter and I immediately felt more secure. The top commented to the class that as soon as he started frapping, he felt my body temperature rise. Wow he could read me like a book.
He untied me and had me sit down and everyone was trying ties here and there an they were going around to everyone to help them. P wanted to tie me more and I let her mostly but I found myself worried that they'd need me to volunteer again and yet I wouldn't be ready so they'd pick someone else! Lol, I'm such a freak sometimes. Here was P trying to tie me up and I wanted to make sure I was available to be tied in front of the class. I suppose there's a bit of my exhibition streak right there. ;)
Finally it came time for me to volunteer again up front and this time, he tied my wrists behind me. I felt much more restrained and secure and peaceful and I knew something more was going to happen this time. The next few minutes are kind of a blur. I think he took me by the hair and lowered me to my knees carefully where he tied my ankles to my thighs. He made various comments about how I was "settling in" to that headspace and about my body temperature rising again. He took me by the hair again and pushed me to my knees such that only my knees were touching the ground (ankles tied to my thighs) and he was only or mostly holding me by my hair.
It was a little of a balancing act but I was partially lost in the moment. He held my hair very tight, tighter than it's ever been held/pulled. I was facing the class and yet I saw none of them....I was in my own headspace at that moment in time. And it felt so peaceful, secure, mellow. This is what I had wanted to feel that day and why I had been so depressed that REG had not panned out for me.
I still surprise myself that when I'm in moments like that...the feelings are not at all sexual. I've equated it with a different feeling, a need of the soul. And yet hours or days later, I'll think back to that moment in time at what was happening to me and become extremely turned on. And I may or may not daydream about things that didn't happen *cough* but um yeah.
He then carefully let me lay on the floor and he untied my legs and then they demonstrated what to do when a sub was struggling and you had to get her out of the ropes fast. So I mock-struggled a bunch, face down with my hands still tied behind my back and one of the tops talked about how you don't want to use a knife because this weird red stuff can appear and get everywhere and we all laughed. He showed us some scissors/shears that were good for getting rope off fast in like an emergency or something.
They finally untied my wrists and I was free again and I still felt good. Often when someone unties me, I feel sad or down but if I've been in it long enough and/or the situation has been intense enough, I end up on a high and happy as can be. And that's how I was for the rest of the day.
So the day started out not so great but ended awfully nice. =)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Connection/Chemistry vs. Submission
My heart needs a deep connection and chemistry with someone special. Someone who will essentially sweep me off my feet and yet feel the same about me. It doesn't have to be instant but it's usually something that happens within one or two dates. Or it doesn't.
Another part of me seems to need to be submissive to this someone special that I might have utmost adoring feelings for. A need to be taken care of, nurtured, loved, yet taken and used, in a pleasing way to that person.
I'm sure many guys can play the second part well but it's so hard to meet someone who takes care of the first.
Could I live with a dom who I did not have a connection with? That chemistry, that feeling? I am very sure I could not. It would not last even if I tried....and my heart would be completely dissatisfied.
But could I live with a man who I did have that special connection with but in a wholly vanilla way? No submission involved at all. I'd say this is more likely but I still think I would not be satisfied.
I need both. But I need the that special someone who clicks with me in every way FIRST. Then and only then can D/s begin.
Another part of me seems to need to be submissive to this someone special that I might have utmost adoring feelings for. A need to be taken care of, nurtured, loved, yet taken and used, in a pleasing way to that person.
I'm sure many guys can play the second part well but it's so hard to meet someone who takes care of the first.
Could I live with a dom who I did not have a connection with? That chemistry, that feeling? I am very sure I could not. It would not last even if I tried....and my heart would be completely dissatisfied.
But could I live with a man who I did have that special connection with but in a wholly vanilla way? No submission involved at all. I'd say this is more likely but I still think I would not be satisfied.
I need both. But I need the that special someone who clicks with me in every way FIRST. Then and only then can D/s begin.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Troubled about non-sexual submission
I'm starting to wonder if I'm more of a bottom than a submissive. I was conversing with someone recently about D/s and the subject of non-sexual submission came up and I realized that I really have a hard time putting myself in a position to submit myself non-sexually.
Sexually, it turns me on to no end to think of submitting in so many different ways to the man I trust and care for....but non-sexually, out of the bedroom? I really just don't know. The thought of being forced to obey him in things like what to wear or what to eat or what to buy or not buy and service-related activities, especially on an everyday basis, just makes me cringe.
It sounds more like a slave or something 24/7 and I just don't know if I'll ever be able to do that. I feel like I need my independence somewhere in a relationship....or some equal footing. In the bedroom you can do what you want with me (within limits) but outside of that I don't know.
Clothes are one example...sure I want to please my man and dress how he wants me to dress at times...but I still need room for my own creativity and style and unique character as well.
Then there's the Daddy/Little girl thing which is actually NOT sexual for the most part...and more of a way of expressing the younger, more innocent side of me with someone I'm intimately close to that can act more like a loving father figure. That could be where the submission crosses over out of the bedroom but even still, i just don't think I can do that or be that....24/7.
Sexually, it turns me on to no end to think of submitting in so many different ways to the man I trust and care for....but non-sexually, out of the bedroom? I really just don't know. The thought of being forced to obey him in things like what to wear or what to eat or what to buy or not buy and service-related activities, especially on an everyday basis, just makes me cringe.
It sounds more like a slave or something 24/7 and I just don't know if I'll ever be able to do that. I feel like I need my independence somewhere in a relationship....or some equal footing. In the bedroom you can do what you want with me (within limits) but outside of that I don't know.
Clothes are one example...sure I want to please my man and dress how he wants me to dress at times...but I still need room for my own creativity and style and unique character as well.
Then there's the Daddy/Little girl thing which is actually NOT sexual for the most part...and more of a way of expressing the younger, more innocent side of me with someone I'm intimately close to that can act more like a loving father figure. That could be where the submission crosses over out of the bedroom but even still, i just don't think I can do that or be that....24/7.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Torrential Pleasure
There's a burning inside me
a potential raging fire
with deep intense needs
to be taken, and forced
yet loved so completely
it bubbles up in my body
at random times daily
an utter and dire need
nothing can stop it
or get in its way
no inhibitions, no boundaries
so it must be restrained
dammed like a waterfall
waiting for the right man
deserving of trust
who will know just how
to pluck each petal
from my virgin flower
safely, surely, strong.
Then the river, the fire
the torrential storm
it will all come forth
wracking my body
with merciless
uncontrollable shaking
as we're both lost forever
with the torrential pleasure
in each other's eyes.
a potential raging fire
with deep intense needs
to be taken, and forced
yet loved so completely
it bubbles up in my body
at random times daily
an utter and dire need
nothing can stop it
or get in its way
no inhibitions, no boundaries
so it must be restrained
dammed like a waterfall
waiting for the right man
deserving of trust
who will know just how
to pluck each petal
from my virgin flower
safely, surely, strong.
Then the river, the fire
the torrential storm
it will all come forth
wracking my body
with merciless
uncontrollable shaking
as we're both lost forever
with the torrential pleasure
in each other's eyes.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Little girl vs. Experienced Woman
My mind and heart have been at arms over the last 24 hours or so. I recently met with a guy who I now call Daddy and we had our first date. It was my first experience of any kind of D/s relationship intermingled with the beginnings of hopefully a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
The date involved both conversing as equals and being Daddy's little girl. I have to admit it's hard for me to draw up where the boundaries were for the date exactly…sometimes I felt like his little girl and other times I felt like he was a man I was very interested in for a boyfriend. These two separate dynamics during the date played different tunes in my heart, even afterward.
Daddy said he wouldn't leave me and the little girl inside of me believed him with every ounce of her strength but the logic of a grown woman hung heavy over that, knowing this was merely a first date and that sometimes grownups make promises to children, they can't keep. The woman in me was aghast at how attached the little girl in me had become already. While the little girl clinged lovingly to Daddy with eyes full of love, the woman inside remembered the heartache caused by many a man. She had gotten her hopes up so many times only to have her heart dashed upon the rocks over and over.
Along the same lines, hours after the date and even the next day, I found the little girl in me wanting so bad to text Daddy, to talk to him, to see him…but the woman in me knew that would come off as clingy and she didn't want to spoil things.
Its just so foreign to me to feel like there are separate sides of me like this and watching how they struggle with each other when trying to find not just a Daddy/Dom but a boyfriend too. The little girl in me feels so safe with Daddy…already….and yet the grown woman knows he could up and leave without a moment's notice…because it's only been a first date.
Maybe the two will better juxtapose when the vanilla part of the relationship can be established and therefore come in-line with where the D/s relationship already seems to be...ironically, lightyears ahead.
The date involved both conversing as equals and being Daddy's little girl. I have to admit it's hard for me to draw up where the boundaries were for the date exactly…sometimes I felt like his little girl and other times I felt like he was a man I was very interested in for a boyfriend. These two separate dynamics during the date played different tunes in my heart, even afterward.
Daddy said he wouldn't leave me and the little girl inside of me believed him with every ounce of her strength but the logic of a grown woman hung heavy over that, knowing this was merely a first date and that sometimes grownups make promises to children, they can't keep. The woman in me was aghast at how attached the little girl in me had become already. While the little girl clinged lovingly to Daddy with eyes full of love, the woman inside remembered the heartache caused by many a man. She had gotten her hopes up so many times only to have her heart dashed upon the rocks over and over.
Along the same lines, hours after the date and even the next day, I found the little girl in me wanting so bad to text Daddy, to talk to him, to see him…but the woman in me knew that would come off as clingy and she didn't want to spoil things.
Its just so foreign to me to feel like there are separate sides of me like this and watching how they struggle with each other when trying to find not just a Daddy/Dom but a boyfriend too. The little girl in me feels so safe with Daddy…already….and yet the grown woman knows he could up and leave without a moment's notice…because it's only been a first date.
Maybe the two will better juxtapose when the vanilla part of the relationship can be established and therefore come in-line with where the D/s relationship already seems to be...ironically, lightyears ahead.
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