I've had some discussion about aftercare with a couple different people lately and wanted to further write about it on my own.
First off, I have yet to experience a real scene. I've only experienced some bondage play and a few things at a tasting event up to this point. That being said, I have a distinct idea in my mind of aftercare and what it means to me and why I need it.
I am imagining going through an intense scene with my partner who is more than just my Dom but also my boyfriend. He has a need to take out his aggression, his dominance, on me, my body, my emotions, my heart, my soul. The scene could of course be different from time to time but I'm imagining feeling pain, pleasure, helplessness maybe to the point of ecstacy and/or pain tolerance limits...a very heightened state, whatever it is. Part of it is a need to feel pain to feel helpless and part of it is a need to please my daddy.
When it is finished, I can feel myself in such a scene, needing to be held, cuddled, comforted, consoled, loved....audibly, physically, emotionally. I can imagine him trying to express his love for me and his pride that I could do all of that for him and his pleasure/gratefulness in it all.
It goes back to something I told someone else recently as well: "I need to be fucked, abused, used, yet still loved". I need it all for some reason, some mix of that. There's a mix of emotional and sexual needs involved.
The sex/play without the love or emotions does not entice me quite the same and the love/emotions/romance does not entice me the way it used to...alone. I need both of those so very much from that someone I would call Daddy, Dom, Boyfriend, Master, partner.
Does anyone else relate to this?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Fetish Experience and Willingness List
Experience is either YES or NO
Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.
Exp/Willingness
NO NO: 24/7 slavery (you are owned for as long as YOUR conditions are met)
NO 0 : 24/7 submission (rules but you are your own person):
NO 5 : Anal sex :
YES 5 : Anal plugs (small) :
NO 4 : Anal plugs (large) :
NO 4 : Anal plug (public, under clothes):
NO NO: Animal roles (being kitty, pony or puppy for a day):
NO 5 : Arm sleeves (armbinders) :
NO ? : Aromas (aroma therapy):
NO 3 : Asking permission to use the Bathroom:
NO 4 : Asking permission to orgasm
NO 4 : Ball gags
NO 4 : Blindfolds :
YES 3 : Being lightly bitten :
YES 5 : Being tickled
NO 4 : Breast bondage :
YES 5 : Bondage (light) :
YES 5 : Bondage (heavy) :
NO 4 : Bondage (multi-day) :
NO 3 : Bondage (public, under clothing) :
NO 5 : Bondage with everything
NO NO: Breast whipping :
NO 3 : Breast slapping
NO 3 : Cages (locked inside of) :
NO 2 : Caning :
NO 4 : Chains (attaching wrist and ankles>:
NO 2 : Chastity belts :
NO 0 : Chores (domestic service) :
NO 2 : Clothespins :
NO 5 : Collars (worn in private) :
NO 4 : Collars (worn in public) :
YES 3 : Corsets (wearing casually) :
NO 3 : Corsets (trained waist reduction):
NO 5 : Cuffs (leather) :
NO 4 : Cuffs (metal) :
NO NO: Cupping
NO 5 : Deep Throat
NO 3 : Dominance and submission without sex:
YES 3 : Electrical play (very mild shock):
NO 2 : Enforced chastity :
NO 3 : Erotic dance (private) :
NO 3 : Examinations (physical) :
NO 0 : Exercise (forced/required) :
NO ? : Eye contact restrictions :
NO NO: Face slapping :
NO 4 : Fantasy rape :
NO NO: Fear (being scared) :
NO NO: Fisting (anal/vaginal)
NO 1 : Flame play :
NO 2 : Following orders :
NO 4 : Forced Orgasms
NO 3 : Forced into Diapers
NO 5 : Gags (leather) :
NO 5 : Gags (rubber) :
NO 5 : Gags (tape) :
NO 4 : Hairbrush spankings :
YES 5 : Hair pulling :
NO 2 : Having food chosen for you :
NO 2 : Having clothing chosen for you :
YES 5 : High heel wearing :
NO 3 : Hoods :
NO 2 : Hot waxing :
NO 0 : Housework (doing) :
NO 3 : Humiliation (private mild) :
NO 0 : Humiliation (public discrete) :
NO ? : Initiation rites :
NO 5 : Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
NO ? : Interrogations :
NO 4 : Kidnapping :
NO 4 : Kneeling :
NO 0 : Knife play :
YES 4 : Leather clothing :
NO 5 : Leather restraints :
NO 1 : Lectures for misbehavior :
NO 1 : Licking (non-sexual) :
YES 4 : Lingerie (wearing) :
NO 2 : Massage (giving) :
NO 3 : Massage (receiving) :
NO 4 : Modeling for erotic photos :
NO 4 : Mouth bits :
YES 3 : Mummification :
NO 2 : Name change (for scene) :
NO NO: Needleplay
NO 3 : Nipple clamps :
NO NO: Nipple rings (piercings) :
NO 1 : Nipple play/"torture" :
NO 3 : Nipple weights :
YES 5 : Over-the-knee spanking :
NO 5 : Orgasm control :
NO 3 : Outdoor scenes :
NO 3 : Outdoor sex :
NO 3 : Paddles
NO 4 : Pain (light) :
NO 3 : Pain (medium) :
NO 0 : Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
NO NO: Piercing (permanent) :
NO 0 : Ponygirl training :
NO ? : Public exposure :
NO 3 : Punishment Scene :
NO 2 : Riding crops :
NO 1 : Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
NO 3 : Ring/Medical gags
NO ? : Rituals :
NO 1 : Restrictive rules on behavior :
NO 4 : Rubber/latex clothing :
YES 5 : Rope body harness :
YES 4 : Saran wrapping :
NO 3 : Sensory deprivation :
YES 3 : Sensual flogging (for pleasure)
NO 0 : Serving :
NO 0 : Serving as a maid :
NO 0 : Serving as waitress/waiter :
NO 2 : Sexual deprivation (short term) :
NO 0 : Sexual deprivation (long term) :
NO 0 : Shaving (pubis) :
NO 2 : Single tail whip
NO 4 : Slutty clothing (private) :
NO 3 : Slutty clothing (public) :
YES 4 : Spanking :
NO 3 : Speech restrictions (when, what) :
NO 3 : Spreader bars :
NO 3 : Standing in corner :
NO 3 : Stocks :
NO 3 : Vaginal dildo :
NO 3 : Verbal humiliation (slut, whore etc) :
YES 3 : Vibrator on genitals :
YES 3 : Violet Wand (electricial toy) :
NO 1 : Voyeurism (watching others) :
NO 2 : Video (watching others) :
NO 0 : Video (recordings of you) :
NO NO: Water Sports
NO 0 : Waxing (hair removal) :
NO 5 : Wearing symbolic jewelery :
NO 3 : Whipping :
NO 3 : Wooden paddles :
NO NO: Wrestling :
Probably will add to this as I think of others
Willingness quick-key:
? Don't understand this item.
NO I WILL NOT DO that item under ANY circumstances (a hard limit).
0 No desire, don't like, will permit if special to Dom (a soft limit).
1 Don't want to do, but will.
2 Willing to do, but has no special appeal.
3 Usually LIKE doing, on an irregular/ occasional basis.
4 LIKE doing, would like it on a regular basis.
5 WILD TURN-ON, would like it as often as possible.
Exp/Willingness
NO NO: 24/7 slavery (you are owned for as long as YOUR conditions are met)
NO 0 : 24/7 submission (rules but you are your own person):
NO 5 : Anal sex :
YES 5 : Anal plugs (small) :
NO 4 : Anal plugs (large) :
NO 4 : Anal plug (public, under clothes):
NO NO: Animal roles (being kitty, pony or puppy for a day):
NO 5 : Arm sleeves (armbinders) :
NO ? : Aromas (aroma therapy):
NO 3 : Asking permission to use the Bathroom:
NO 4 : Asking permission to orgasm
NO 4 : Ball gags
NO 4 : Blindfolds :
YES 3 : Being lightly bitten :
YES 5 : Being tickled
NO 4 : Breast bondage :
YES 5 : Bondage (light) :
YES 5 : Bondage (heavy) :
NO 4 : Bondage (multi-day) :
NO 3 : Bondage (public, under clothing) :
NO 5 : Bondage with everything
NO NO: Breast whipping :
NO 3 : Breast slapping
NO 3 : Cages (locked inside of) :
NO 2 : Caning :
NO 4 : Chains (attaching wrist and ankles>:
NO 2 : Chastity belts :
NO 0 : Chores (domestic service) :
NO 2 : Clothespins :
NO 5 : Collars (worn in private) :
NO 4 : Collars (worn in public) :
YES 3 : Corsets (wearing casually) :
NO 3 : Corsets (trained waist reduction):
NO 5 : Cuffs (leather) :
NO 4 : Cuffs (metal) :
NO NO: Cupping
NO 5 : Deep Throat
NO 3 : Dominance and submission without sex:
YES 3 : Electrical play (very mild shock):
NO 2 : Enforced chastity :
NO 3 : Erotic dance (private) :
NO 3 : Examinations (physical) :
NO 0 : Exercise (forced/required) :
NO ? : Eye contact restrictions :
NO NO: Face slapping :
NO 4 : Fantasy rape :
NO NO: Fear (being scared) :
NO NO: Fisting (anal/vaginal)
NO 1 : Flame play :
NO 2 : Following orders :
NO 4 : Forced Orgasms
NO 3 : Forced into Diapers
NO 5 : Gags (leather) :
NO 5 : Gags (rubber) :
NO 5 : Gags (tape) :
NO 4 : Hairbrush spankings :
YES 5 : Hair pulling :
NO 2 : Having food chosen for you :
NO 2 : Having clothing chosen for you :
YES 5 : High heel wearing :
NO 3 : Hoods :
NO 2 : Hot waxing :
NO 0 : Housework (doing) :
NO 3 : Humiliation (private mild) :
NO 0 : Humiliation (public discrete) :
NO ? : Initiation rites :
NO 5 : Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
NO ? : Interrogations :
NO 4 : Kidnapping :
NO 4 : Kneeling :
NO 0 : Knife play :
YES 4 : Leather clothing :
NO 5 : Leather restraints :
NO 1 : Lectures for misbehavior :
NO 1 : Licking (non-sexual) :
YES 4 : Lingerie (wearing) :
NO 2 : Massage (giving) :
NO 3 : Massage (receiving) :
NO 4 : Modeling for erotic photos :
NO 4 : Mouth bits :
YES 3 : Mummification :
NO 2 : Name change (for scene) :
NO NO: Needleplay
NO 3 : Nipple clamps :
NO NO: Nipple rings (piercings) :
NO 1 : Nipple play/"torture" :
NO 3 : Nipple weights :
YES 5 : Over-the-knee spanking :
NO 5 : Orgasm control :
NO 3 : Outdoor scenes :
NO 3 : Outdoor sex :
NO 3 : Paddles
NO 4 : Pain (light) :
NO 3 : Pain (medium) :
NO 0 : Piercing (temporary, play-pierce):
NO NO: Piercing (permanent) :
NO 0 : Ponygirl training :
NO ? : Public exposure :
NO 3 : Punishment Scene :
NO 2 : Riding crops :
NO 1 : Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
NO 3 : Ring/Medical gags
NO ? : Rituals :
NO 1 : Restrictive rules on behavior :
NO 4 : Rubber/latex clothing :
YES 5 : Rope body harness :
YES 4 : Saran wrapping :
NO 3 : Sensory deprivation :
YES 3 : Sensual flogging (for pleasure)
NO 0 : Serving :
NO 0 : Serving as a maid :
NO 0 : Serving as waitress/waiter :
NO 2 : Sexual deprivation (short term) :
NO 0 : Sexual deprivation (long term) :
NO 0 : Shaving (pubis) :
NO 2 : Single tail whip
NO 4 : Slutty clothing (private) :
NO 3 : Slutty clothing (public) :
YES 4 : Spanking :
NO 3 : Speech restrictions (when, what) :
NO 3 : Spreader bars :
NO 3 : Standing in corner :
NO 3 : Stocks :
NO 3 : Vaginal dildo :
NO 3 : Verbal humiliation (slut, whore etc) :
YES 3 : Vibrator on genitals :
YES 3 : Violet Wand (electricial toy) :
NO 1 : Voyeurism (watching others) :
NO 2 : Video (watching others) :
NO 0 : Video (recordings of you) :
NO NO: Water Sports
NO 0 : Waxing (hair removal) :
NO 5 : Wearing symbolic jewelery :
NO 3 : Whipping :
NO 3 : Wooden paddles :
NO NO: Wrestling :
Probably will add to this as I think of others
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Troubled about non-sexual submission
I'm starting to wonder if I'm more of a bottom than a submissive. I was conversing with someone recently about D/s and the subject of non-sexual submission came up and I realized that I really have a hard time putting myself in a position to submit myself non-sexually.
Sexually, it turns me on to no end to think of submitting in so many different ways to the man I trust and care for....but non-sexually, out of the bedroom? I really just don't know. The thought of being forced to obey him in things like what to wear or what to eat or what to buy or not buy and service-related activities, especially on an everyday basis, just makes me cringe.
It sounds more like a slave or something 24/7 and I just don't know if I'll ever be able to do that. I feel like I need my independence somewhere in a relationship....or some equal footing. In the bedroom you can do what you want with me (within limits) but outside of that I don't know.
Clothes are one example...sure I want to please my man and dress how he wants me to dress at times...but I still need room for my own creativity and style and unique character as well.
Then there's the Daddy/Little girl thing which is actually NOT sexual for the most part...and more of a way of expressing the younger, more innocent side of me with someone I'm intimately close to that can act more like a loving father figure. That could be where the submission crosses over out of the bedroom but even still, i just don't think I can do that or be that....24/7.
Sexually, it turns me on to no end to think of submitting in so many different ways to the man I trust and care for....but non-sexually, out of the bedroom? I really just don't know. The thought of being forced to obey him in things like what to wear or what to eat or what to buy or not buy and service-related activities, especially on an everyday basis, just makes me cringe.
It sounds more like a slave or something 24/7 and I just don't know if I'll ever be able to do that. I feel like I need my independence somewhere in a relationship....or some equal footing. In the bedroom you can do what you want with me (within limits) but outside of that I don't know.
Clothes are one example...sure I want to please my man and dress how he wants me to dress at times...but I still need room for my own creativity and style and unique character as well.
Then there's the Daddy/Little girl thing which is actually NOT sexual for the most part...and more of a way of expressing the younger, more innocent side of me with someone I'm intimately close to that can act more like a loving father figure. That could be where the submission crosses over out of the bedroom but even still, i just don't think I can do that or be that....24/7.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Torrential Pleasure
There's a burning inside me
a potential raging fire
with deep intense needs
to be taken, and forced
yet loved so completely
it bubbles up in my body
at random times daily
an utter and dire need
nothing can stop it
or get in its way
no inhibitions, no boundaries
so it must be restrained
dammed like a waterfall
waiting for the right man
deserving of trust
who will know just how
to pluck each petal
from my virgin flower
safely, surely, strong.
Then the river, the fire
the torrential storm
it will all come forth
wracking my body
with merciless
uncontrollable shaking
as we're both lost forever
with the torrential pleasure
in each other's eyes.
a potential raging fire
with deep intense needs
to be taken, and forced
yet loved so completely
it bubbles up in my body
at random times daily
an utter and dire need
nothing can stop it
or get in its way
no inhibitions, no boundaries
so it must be restrained
dammed like a waterfall
waiting for the right man
deserving of trust
who will know just how
to pluck each petal
from my virgin flower
safely, surely, strong.
Then the river, the fire
the torrential storm
it will all come forth
wracking my body
with merciless
uncontrollable shaking
as we're both lost forever
with the torrential pleasure
in each other's eyes.
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