The Day After Valentine's Day

So you'd think the day after Valentine's Day would be no big deal because the big day is over and we go back to our normal lives. Well, Daddy decided he wanted to come over to cook up our leftovers from our dinner the night before. I had given him a key to my apartment a few weeks before so it was no problem for him to come by while I was at the gym.

I arrived home from the gym to find him setting up an elaborate candle-lit dinner table. He'd moved the flowers he'd gotten me to the table, along with one of the cards he'd gotten me and had set the table with some salad and had the leftover steak in the oven to reheat. I had actually not seen his car outside so before I walked in the door, I had been feeling rather glum because I thought he hadn't been able to make it over for some reason. But when I opened the door and it wasn't locked, I stepped inside all excited. And when I saw what he was setting up, I grinned ear to ear.

After hugging and kissing him, I changed out of my gym clothes and right back into the purple babydoll that he liked so much but I put underwear on this time since we were eating. He helped me with my chair and we sat down and ate our leftovers and discussed the night before. I told him about my thoughts about why I had felt like the yoga/fetch scene actually wasn't as humiliating as I'd thought it would be. Then I also mentioned that I had been a really good girl and that I liked making Daddy happy but sometimes I did want some sort of punishment...or maybe more of a 'funishment'.

At the same time, I didn't want to mess up on purpose and make him disappointed in me so maybe he could give me some impossible tasks or something to give him an excuse to punish me or he could simply do so 'because he can'. After dinner, I got down from the table and kneeled next to him, he pushed his chair out from the table so I could crawl under the table and kneel in front of him, laying my head on his lap.

We kept on talking and he started talking about chocolates for valentine's Day and he was talking about some chocolate places and I think he was trying to say Ghiradelli but he ended up saying Ghirbaldi and I just started cracking up. And that was my word for the night....I couldn't stop saying it. He was laughing about it too but then he said I was going to get punished for that. Haha!

We went into the bedroom and he found my paddle brush again and as I laid face down on the bed, he straddled my waist, facing my ass and began paddling my ass. My legs were soon kicking and I was squirming and moaning. Gosh that thing hurts! Then he stopped and we both admired my nice red ass. He didn't have his toy bag at my place so we ended up using a bondage kit I had on hand instead as he tied me on my back with my legs up in the air again.

I was afraid he was going to use my cunt again because it was still SO sore and so I asked him "Are you going to fuck my ass, Daddy?" and he said "No I don't think so." And I thought for a few more moments as he was still getting ready and said "Because my cunt is still very sore". And he said "ooooh that's right." He paused a minute and then said "Nope too bad little girl, I'm still fucking your cunt. You need to get used to this whenever I want it."

Part of me was scared and part of me was so completely turned on that he was going to do something against my wishes. I submitted though and he went slow at first...it hurt a little but once the rhythm was going, it was just fine and I breathed easier.....or rather, moaned. At some point, he added more lube and switched to fucking my ass instead continually whispering in my ear. He'd go slow and I'd whine "Daddy fuck my ass!" and he'd pound his cock faster into my ass. At one point, he stopped and asked "Is that going too deep?" and me in a bit of a daze, said something like "I---I---Dunno". In my head I was thinking "yes a little too deep but don't stop!" lol.

Finally, he pulled out and after removing the condom, he moved my head to the edge of the bed again and started fucking my mouth and throat some too. After a little bit, he moved my head back to the pillow and fucked my mouth from there and came down my throat. He untied me and we got ready for bed, just another day after valentine's day. *giggle*

Understanding Discipline

"We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment." -Jim Rohn

Discipline

I've been pondering the concepts of discipline and punishment for a while now. When I first started getting involved in the community, my main interests were purely sexual. I imagined being tied up and fucked and used in the bedroom and then returning to a normal looking vanilla girlfriend/boyfriend relationship for the rest of the time. Terms like 24x7 or Master/slave loomed over me like thunderclouds and I denied being interested in any of that. In my past, I would have put things I don't understand into a box and left them alone but nowadays, I try to get a better handle on things I don't understand and only then, make judgements about whether I fit into those categories or not.

When I started blogging about this journey, I began reading the blogs of other submissive women as well. I've seen a plethora of 24x7, D/s, Master/slave, and even other mixes of the dynamics in between. I've beared witness to punishments, heard instances of spanking for pleasure, even to the point of orgasm, and read about rules that many live under.

It was actually a fictional story by one of the bloggers I read that caught my attention more than anything. In the story, the woman is considering becoming a certain man's submissive/slave and he asks her what things in her life she wishes she could accomplish but never gets around to. She's of course embarrassed about it but admits to all kinds of things she just doesn't make time for from body image to passions in life.

Reading about that completely struck me. Aren't there things in my own life that I just get lazy about but I really do want for myself? Of course! And I made a list:

* Having a flat tummy
* Getting enough sleep
* Keep my apartment clean
* Not texting and driving

Those are just the most obvious ones but I'm sure there are more. So why don't I do those? Why can't I bring myself to accomplish or adhere to those things? I think it's merely a lack of motivation and willpower. So in a D/s relationship, it can be putting the motivation and willpower in the hands of the dominant where the submissive may lack those qualities.

Rules

And suddenly discipline as a concept started to make some sense. It isn't all about punishment but more appropriately about adhering to certain rules and guidelines for the betterment of one's self. Of course there can be more to it, depending on the relationship and the players involved. I can already imagine some more playful "rules" where the only intention would be to remind one of their submission to someone else and some of that may have a humiliating effect as well.

With that in mind, I came up with some rules that I am curious about as an example:

Constructive Rules:
* having a bedtime
* getting up with enough time to get ready
* doing laundry right away, not letting it sit for days
* clean apartment/bathrooms semi-weekly
* keep bills/statements filed away instead of stacked around
* some kind of workout regimen required

Playful rules (some of which may have a temporary duration)
* asking permission to use the restroom
* asking permission to come and/or masturbate
* having my underwear picked out for me
* always wearing a collar/necklace/anklet (stealth)
* wearing buttplugs under clothes
* wearing no panties under clothes

Once I understood about discipline itself, I began to ponder how realistic it would be to keep to any of these rules. Some would say that's where punishment comes into the picture. Yet I've heard others argue that wanting to please a dominant should be motivation enough.

Punishment
In my journey so far, I've mostly experienced what it's like to be a bottom for a scene. It's all been pretty light hearted, playful, and short. Thus I have only experienced impact play in a consensual atmosphere, not in any form of actual punishment. In fact, every time I try to imagine really being punished physically, it takes me back to when I was a child and my dad spanked me when I did something wrong. Part of me likes that feeling, being put in my place, especially as a little girl, and yet the "independent adult" part of me severely fights any such ideas, knowing full well that by government law, I do not need to submit to any authority in such a manner.

And yet it still amazes me that even part of me wants it. That even a part of me wants to be put in my place, to submit to an intimate authority figure, to give up actual rights....not just for play or for sex but for the betterment of myself and for love of the other person. And that segways into my next thought. I can't see trying to make this kind of discipline and/or punishment work with someone I don't feel very intimately involved with. I mean if I do something wrong and it's a brand new relationship, will I still submit to a punishment? I have to admit that I'd be less likely to do so without that intimate bond and trust already in place. Of course the alternative is walking away but again if it's early on, what really has been lost in doing so?

I speak of course of my own thoughts and how I think it might work for me and that in no way says this is how it works for anyone else. But I suspect many may relate.

I want to conclude this post by acknowledging the quote I put at the top of the post. It's a quote I happened upon when I was looking for quotes about regret and yet it really fit with my thoughts on discipline. In life, whether it's bdsm, D/s, or vanilla....relationships, work, or free time, it really rings true: either we experience discipline or we experience regret. I don't know if I'll ever find the right man for the amount of trust and patience I feel would be needed for this type of dynamic but if I do, it will be an interesting exploration.